A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What do you do when you realize that your ex doesn't like you as a person?In most of my relationships, the guys said they liked me, and even wanted to spend a lot of time around me. But, when it came to romance, after the first few months, they weren't interested in me romantically. It would end up to a point where they would just suddenly end the relationship with not much of a reason.My most recent relationship, I think my ex really accepted me for who I am. He is a very good man and I feel very fortunate to have him in my life. I am now realizing after we broke up, that he may have a particular type, and I may fit that type physically.What makes me feel very sad is that we had a lot of difficulties in our relationship because of just a lot of stress in his and my life, and I was trying to balance and provide for the both of us at times. I think I just got stressed because I was focusing on taking care of everything at home, and he didn't have the time or energy to put into a relationship. Also, in our relationship, there was an instance where he talked with this woman in an inappropriate way a couple of times. that really messed up our trust because I never thought he would talk to someone like that. I think that we never got over that issue, in some ways. I really felt like an ogre at times---I was also serious and focus on taking care of things, and because of what he did before, I may have been more suspicious when he came home very late, etc. He did apologize for talking to the other person, but it happened twice, so, it made me feel insecure. After a while, and pulling away for some time, he decided to end the relationship and remain friends, which I agree with. He is doing much better on his own, than when he was with me. I am happy that he is doing better, and I feel sad that I couldn't make things better for him when we were together. My goal when we were together was to make things easier for him, and so now, thinking that things may have been harder being with me, I just feel bad.Now, I am wondering, how do I deal with the reality that as a good guy, he is going to have a new girlfriend at some point? And what if she looks like me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your comments. It could be that I am too intense, I suppose. Though, the weird thing is that in relationships, I don't expect a man to fall in love quickly, nor do I get upset if he does not. I don't really bring it up, as I think it takes time for love to develop if it is there.
I think that with most of my relationships, sadly, the men were not attracted to me physically.
In my most recent relationship, I do think my ex was attracted to me, but, because of arguments over how I felt his family treated him, and financial issues, he may have been turned off by me.
You are right. I need to just work on myself for now. I do sometimes wonder if I just don't have the right tools to work with in the dating arena, and if maybe me and men don't match---which is a shame because they are so cute!
A
female
reader, bigsister83 +, writes (9 May 2010):
It sounds like there's a pattern the point in which your relationships tend to sour, and I would suggest doing some soul searching to figure out what's going on. It sounds like you can be a very intense person in a relationship, and you may be unintentionally coming across as a difficult person to date. I would worry less about your ex's next move and try to think about what you can work on in *your* next relationship.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 May 2010):
 Don't let your imaginations run riot. There is a very remote possibility of that.Anyway , he is an ex and he is no your concern anymore.
Look forward and think positive always.
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