A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, I am 21 and my girlfriend is 20. We have had an on and off relationship for the last two years and now we have recently made the leap of faith into a official relationship. However, I can't get over my girlfriends past. Not to my knowledge, during the period when we were hooking up she was a heroin addict. Things were getting serious between us and then one day she just stopped talking to me and entered a relationship with another guy. I was furious and stopped talking to her for a few months and entered a few relationships of my own. We reconnected and some point and began to hang out as friends again. My old feelings for her reignited and she cheated with me on the man she had left me for months ago. It was around this time that her family discovered her addiction and she was sent to rehab. Naturally we couldn't maintain contact with one another but eventually she completed rehab and we are know getting serious again. She has been sober for almost a year now and she has apologized to me for everything she has done. However, a part of me feels that she doesn't deserve my forgiveness. I mean there is so much she did while she was an addict that is just plain disgusting. She was a stripper slept with probably more guys than I can count and completely broke my heart. While the worst thing I can say that i have done is get arrested back in high school. I guess i am just feeling that it is not fair. That I have to deal with all this negative shit while she doesn't have anything to overcome. Am i overreacting? Should I end it? What should i do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011): If you don't think you have the right to judge her, then don't judge her.
But judging her and dating her are two completely different things.
I pass by tons of people every day that I wouldn't dare judge. And yet I would still refuse to date many of them for one reason or another. Some of those reasons are petty and some are not. It doesn't matter, it's MY CHOICE what is important to ME for MY partner.
A
female
reader, Aunty Honest  +, writes (21 March 2011):
 Unfortunately, only you can decide if you're able to forgive her. Addiction can make monsters out of normal, nice people and it sounds like your girlfriend may be one of them. I think that it's great that she's been in rehab and is recovering, but (understandably) that doesn't mean you automatically trust her again. Have you spoken to her about how you feel?
Truth is you know she's sorry, you know what was making her behave that way, but do you think you'll move past it in time, the more she shows you how she's changed? If you think you can then keep working on it, building the trust back up, understanding what made her use in the first place, why heroin had the effect it did etc. If not-then as painful as it is, you'll have to walk away. Because if there's no way you can let the past go then not only will you end up more hurt in the long run but so will she.
I'm really sorry to hear about this, and wish I could give you more advice. However I think all I can suggest is alot of thinking and a lot of talking.
Hope things look up.
All the best.
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