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How do I cope with this awful family secret of his?

Tagged as: Family, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 December 2011) 3 Answers - (Newest, 22 December 2011)
A female United States age 36-40, *oli-c writes:

my husband recently(10months ago) told me that he and his adopted sister was having sex as kids and well through thier teen years (9-16)??? / My husband was adopted into a home of well over 13kids, three were birth children to the lady that took him in, along with his four original sibblings. They were all raised in the homw well past 18yrs old some still stay at home as adults. My husband left at 17, i met him at 18, in his own apartment, that hee shaered with his cousin.

Anyway we had some drinks one night after going out to dinner with (the sister) in which was suppose to be just he n I, she insist to go with us to, me the nice guy thought it was no harm in her coming w us cause she had been hanging around every weekend suddently, since my younfest son was born, i thought she was trying to make up for all of the non since we went through due to her not likeing me when i first met him for no reason, and all the horrible things she did to him and i when i was pregnant with my first sin.

Anyway the drinks must have been stronge for him to think i was ready to hear that she and he had sex(real sex as kids) and that he was only telling me because she had been lingering around acting all nice at radom, he didnt want her to tell me first. Then i realized that her conversation over dunner(in which she didnt bring her fiance, that she been w of two years)was about the sex toys and ointments she bought at thier moms tpy party that week, i felt the conversation was a little uncomfortable because i wouldnt talk about those things around my brother.

I also thought how cars dont drive without gas to keep them going either, why has she been around so nice lately? he claims she's gotten over it and ants to be a sister and family now, thats why she was around, but when she found out that i knew she hasn't been seen since? when he told me details as to when it started and stopped, he changes the stories and now hes came up with one that he sticks to, which doesnt include the excpusive details he tol me that first night, his story now sounds much like hers, it stopped after he told his parent from guilt, it seemed like he seen the memory while he was telking me the story, but he fogets he told me it st arted again after thier dad died, i met him about 11later, but he say that it ended way before i came into the picture, eventho i went thriugh pute HELL with just comeing around because she was so evil(she would always come over his apartment and just sit at random times, acting like she was stopping by to see their cousin because my husband n she didnt get along at all durring that time, up until she was three months behind in her pregnacy than i was with my first son, through all the drama that i had with her, none of jimmhis family camw to the hospital to see my new baby, but when she had her baby she was calling for only my husband and God!

I remember beghing him not to go up there and he argued that hee was going to see His and new niece bornnn, she was telling thier mom that she wouldnt push unless he was there, he and i argued but he left me home and went to the hospital w them,, that that hurt me, more now with what i no, the baby isnt his tho, but he wont admit that it could have been his bwcause that would mean he cheated on me durring the first pregnancy . .

i also no that when he revealed his deep secret we were not having sex hardly at all for at least those past 3months that she was making it her buisiness to come around and try to be family, were they messing around then, was he gassing up her engine, he gets angry when i speak about it and cut the convo short , he doesnt like it for me to bring up hwr name, and more times than less he defends her evil ways and actions, ,,i dont no what to do just take his story in n let it go , or walk away from hum and his problems w my kids????How do i move past this if i cant talk about it to him or anyone with the truth???

View related questions: cheated on me, cousin, fiance, sex toy

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A male reader, RAINORFIRE United States +, writes (22 December 2011):

RAINORFIRE agony aunti guess you should do a pro and con list

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A female reader, moli-c United States +, writes (21 December 2011):

moli-c is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Im still so confused, were about to move across contry to live near and with his birth family, should i go and leave this all behind or should i go qa different way from him all together? Can i ever get over that or will this wreck my marrige, by the feelings that lies within me about it? i think i lost feelings for him, before i knew about this i would do anything to impress him, or make him feel like a king , now its like i dnt really care what he thinks of me, some days im happy with him and other days i think of how bad it hurts me, that he left me in the dark for so long, all the times he and she were alone together, and how he allowed her to come aroynd our family, most of all that he dont see why im hurt, because it was when he was younger, and i meant to say that i met him 11months after his dad past, ivw tried to swallow this, but my stomach brings it to surface whenever somthing reminds me of her,, how can i stomach this heart ache, and move forward, and by the way he's a really god man and seems to try and please me in everthing he does, but blames me for ending his relationship w his family because i wont go around them anymore, what should i do, and if i walk away how should i do it?

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A male reader, RAINORFIRE United States +, writes (21 December 2011):

RAINORFIRE agony auntI think you have to walk away hes not being completely honest with you and hes not over his adopted sister. They where having sex and formed a bond at a young age it didnt just dissapear its still there. and i doubt you can break it.

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