A
female
age
30-35,
*atildasummer
writes:Hello. Thanks for clicking. I will try and make this as quick as possible.A few weeks ago a guy came into a bar i work in (i will call him T). There was a chemistry, a connection, and it was great. He introduced himself to me, shook my hand, and totally and utterly had me stopped in my tracks. He asked me when I was working next, he came in then and we spoke more one on one and the "chemistry" was still there. I could tell he is a little shy but i liked that. The third time he came in, I just found myself so self concious when i hadn't been previously around him. He pulled up a bar stool, and left his friends to talk to me, but I just kinda ignored him and ended up talking to everyone except the person i actually liked. He went on holiday a few days after with the lasting memory of me doing that when things had been going so so well.He came back the other night, but just before he came in a guy asked me out across the bar infront of everyone. I didnt want to humilaite him, so I just said yes to giving him my number. I felt bad about it! When T walked in I was so happy as this was my chance to make it up with him and give him the signals that I am interested. As the guy who asked me out was leaving, he said, "I will be intouch" right infront of T! All night, T was quite distant, and only really spoke if i asked him a question. Other than that, nothing much, certainly nothing like what it was. But we did catch eye contact a few times, and something tells me there is something there still. Only now he thinks I have something going with that other guy!I dinted his ego last time and he's retreated, or thinks I am not interested and was just being "chatty" those othertimes. I am a barmaid afterall, i'm meant to be! But when I spoke to him, it was more than that. Do I tell the guy that asked me out, i have my eye on someone else? Worst of all, i think they know eachother. They might talk and then T will definitly think i was never and i am not currently interested. Part of me thinks, to hell with it, and I should just ask T out! Then he will get the message.How do i clear this mess up? Thanks so much in advice! xx
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female
reader, matildasummer +, writes (23 March 2012):
matildasummer is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey. I'm still thinking about what to do with T! I'm gonna try to do my best & clear this up. I really want to get to know T properly & other ppl shouldn't manage to spoil that especially when I had no idea about someone else being interested. It just depends as there has to be a want from T too still. Hopefully there is. Thanks 4 help.
A
male
reader, Kyle007  +, writes (23 March 2012):
OK, when a guy asks you out that you don't want to go out with, you need to say "no". He is the idiot who did this publicly. And you can still tell him privately that you just did not want to embarass him and that you don't want the date.
And you need to tell T immediately what happened, and that he is not your boyfriend, and that you are actually more interested in T.
Total outright honesty and forthrightness is your only hope here. Forget about all these imagined social rules.
You are going to lose from all this being "polite and proper".
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2012): You girls can be really strange sometimes.
Just ask out T directly. Or find some excuse to get his number. Just get his number. Show more interest/initiative!
It doesn't mean he's going to think you're a slut or anything like that. As long as you're not doing something stupid like pushing your boobs in his face and asking "Do my breasts look small???", being direct is not bad ;)
If you want him to be more direct, a good way is to choose your phrasing carefully, like "So when are you going to ask me for my number??" Is a way to show you're interested, but you need him to take action as well.
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