A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone. I have a problem. I've been dating this woman and its gotten up to the third date. She is two years older than me, much more experienced, and voiced that she does not want bad sex. I've only had sex with one girl in my life and even then it wasn't anything more than mediocre (I'm 23 by the way. She is 25). I told her I thought that I was a little inexperienced at sex and while we talked about it we didn't go into any detail about past relationships or particulars. (she still maintained that she didn't want bad sex).Nevertheless, the night progressed and we finally ended up kissing. I thought she was a brilliant kisser and said (unintentionally) "well you can kiss!". She laughed and called me cheesy...:( We then talked a little and I ended up lecturing her on the fundamentals of the uncertainty principle and the probability wave. Why the speed of light was a limit and why quantum information cannot be communicated faster than the speed of light. Lastly, why certain physicist are hypothesizing why the speed of light shouldn't be considered as a limit. (I have an obsession) She was very engrossed in the conversation asking many questions and legitimately debating the subject with coherence. However this lead to another comment about me being cheesy...:(I like this woman and I am a little insecure as to my ability to develop a sexual connection. The emotional connection is there and she has voiced repeatedly that she would like to "hang out" again. How do I build a sexual connection with an experienced woman with concern to the issue that I lack experience? Lastly the cheesy thing (while said laughingly) concerns me. I am very aware of my quirks and a little insecure about them. How do I appear less cheesy without compromising my uniqueness?I kissed her goodnight before we departed and implied another date. She was neutral in her reaction.Thank you
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insecure, kisser, kissing Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Lola1  + ♥, writes (3 November 2009):
 Wonderful! And I also agree that you should take it slow!!
A
female
reader, quiet-echo + ♥, writes (3 November 2009):
 Thank you for the update! I'm glad the remark worked, lol.When reading her words in your post her caveat sounded like an imperious facade to cover fear. Maybe it was just fear without the facade.In any event, I'm very pleased everything seems to have sorted itself out and things are looking good.Best of luck to both of you.:)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question-Update"Nor do I, and since you have more experience than I, I bet you'll be a fantastic lover."I said it (a derivative of it.) and it worked almost too perfectly ha ha. The relationship has developed to the point where she elaborated as to the reasons why she did not want bad sex. Out of respect I will not share but the conclusion is indicative that her insecurities are twice mine. If I have learn't anything it is this. Quality beats quantity to hell and back and then back to hell again. I'm almost surprised to say that in this sense I am more experienced than her. Nevertheless, I was able to dig through the baggage and see her true self. She's quite the honorable person. But it is wise to always be careful with such things (that is until trust has a firm foundation in our relationship). As such, and regardless of her wanting more, I have decided to take it slow. Very slow.Thank you for all your comments.
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A
female
reader, Lola1 + ♥, writes (3 November 2009):
Wow.. That is a lot of undo pressure.
Rest assured my friend. Like other posters have said, two people (usually) participate in sex. Bad sex is not ONE person's fault, since there are at least two participants. It’s like a good conversation. If only one person is willing to participate; respond and offer points of view and the other sits there with a blank stare, the conversation is "bad".
I also agree that she is not as experienced as she is trying to make herself sound. I would be inclined to think this is representative of unreasonable expectations in other things.
I have a feeling you could easily do better, but good luck whatever you decide.
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A
female
reader, quiet-echo + ♥, writes (3 November 2009):
Well...I did say it was a bit tongue in cheek. lol
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A
male
reader, Guitarist  + ♥, writes (10 October 2009):
 "Nor do I, and since you have more experience than I, I bet you'll be a fantastic lover."
Pure class!
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A
female
reader, quiet-echo + ♥, writes (3 September 2009):
She's a made a point of informing you she doesn't want to have bad sex, lest you confuse her with one of those women who does. lol
Since that falls under the heading 'needless to say' the fact that she said it makes it sound like a demand/ultimatum. I suppose it's her way of letting you know that you'll be evaluated on your willingness and ability to please her.
This is a bit tongue in cheek, but I think it will drive the point home. You could turn that around on her. Next time she brings it up, you could respond with "Nor do I, and since you have more experience than I, I bet you'll be a fantastic lover."
I agree with a previous female anon in expressing doubt about her expertise and experience in bed. A confident seasoned lover has seen it all and isn't worried about 'bad sex'.
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A
male
reader, Guitarist + ♥, writes (3 September 2009):
I agree with the previous answer. I think she's a complete bitch to be honest, I know the sort and believe me, you will only get hurt if you stay with her.
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A
male
reader, Uncle Phil + ♥, writes (3 September 2009):
 Have you been reading the forum by any chance - speed of light, that sort of thing?
I wouldn't have called you cheesy personally. Geeky maybe, but not cheesy.
Firstly, as far as a man is concerned there's no such thing as bad sex. It starts at good sex and works it's way up to fantastic out-of-this-world sex. As far as she's concerned, bad sex might be sex without love or commitment and not neccessarily technique. Don't read too much into what she says.
Don't sweat the small stuff. It'll happen when it's right for both of you. Don't rush into it - at the speed of light or the speed of sound - it takes time to build a lasting satisfying relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): Crikey, that is putting you under intense pressure, saying she doesn't want bad sex. That makes it sound like she thinks sex is something that you are going to do to her, rather than something you can enjoy together. Are you sure she is that experienced? She sounds a bit nervous and keen to make herself sound more experienced, or else she's a complete bitch. Either way she sounds like she likes the upper hand and the control rather than a relationship of equals, which is what you should have. Your pillow talk sounds odd and groovy. Find yourself a groovy woman who is odd in ways YOU find sexy. This isn't the woman for you darling. Good luck.x
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