A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:so im bad i was snooping in bf of 2 yrs phone and found a recently contacted out of state #. so i memorize it and call from my phone. girl answers. so i freak and hang up. then i text and pretend i went to high school with her and name off random people and noncholantly ask about my bf and shes like oh yes i know a *bob* but he didnt go to hs with us. ok well whats he like? she says oh hes a player! what! yeah she says well he was married and was trying to get in every girls pants. i knew he was married. ok so i ask well are u dating... no we just email and text all the time. so like i ask a little more and i didnt wanna make it seem too obvious so i ask bob if he is talking to any girl friends and he says no. well the state this girl lives in we are going back to visit soon and idk how to bring it up to bob about this girl... she didnt say they did anything but i didnt come out and ask that. what should i say to bob if anything. i know snooping is bad and u will always find bad news. pleasse help
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (11 March 2011):
 It's not a crime to have opposite sex friends and no wonder he didn't own up to talking to her given the way you're reacting.
You know nothing for sure, don't delude yourself into thinking that two wrongs make a right.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshe said hes been texting her and flirting. So i ask him if hes talked to anyone in the last month from this particular state and he says idk give me a specific date. NO GIVE ME A name!! He wont. So does that possibly mean theres toooooo many names he doesnt wanna say the wrong one???? Hes up to something and i know it for sure
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (11 March 2011):
You know what happens when you go looking for trouble?
You find it... even when there is none.
Your snooping is a worse violation of trust than anything you have evidence of him doing. I wouldn't bring it up unless you KNOW he's guilty of worse than your snooping.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe reason i snooped in the first place is because he was being distant and acting just shady. Hes always acted shady but like i know hiim enough to know if somethings up...his phone was hiding on the top shelf in the living room when i found it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): Bob is still a player. You should end it. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CJH  +, writes (10 March 2011):
 The very fact you had to snoop in the first place rings alarm bells with me. You clearly dont trust the guy do you?
By the sounds of things you have every reason to mistrust him too!
He`s lied outright about texting and chatting to this girl, doesnt that make you want to just save yourself being told yet more lies? If I were in your shoes, I`d be walking away at this precise moment but I accept that you love him and that may not seem like a good option right now.
Just don`t lie to yourself. We could discount this other girls opinion of dear sweet Bob as perhaps bitterness or just hearsay but the fact he isnt being honest with you does seem to back up at least SOME of what shes saying.
If you want to see the REAL Bob, tell him what youve done, tell him about the conversations youve had and watch as the blood drains from his face as he desperately tries to conjure up excuses and yet more lies.
I`m sorry, by the sounds of things, you want to continue in your relationship whilst the only advice I can give you is to escape.
I`m sure you`ll soldier on with him a while longer but you will come to your senses at some point and, when you do, come back and re-read this answer. You`ll think to yourself "ahh yes he was right!"
Good luck. Remember, its your happiness that counts here, I very much doubt, knowing what you now know, that the remainder of your relationship with Bob will bring much of that (happiness)
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): Snooping is bad and now you've got yourself in a proper pickle about it all. What can you do? Stop snooping. Don't mention it to Bob (the ex-married player - but you knew that ...) He's obviously not having an affaire with this girl, so leave her out of it.
Why did you sneak a peek at his phone in the first place? Just being nosey, or were you already suspicious about this guy?
If you can't trust him, be fair to both of you, and end the relationship.
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