A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I need some advice. I was with my boyfriend for over 6 years. The last 2 1/2 years I have spent overseas. But we would spend summers together, christmas, easter and see each other throughout the year. He has cheated on numerous occasions. I have always forgiven him. It really hurt. Now I found out he has cheated again. It hurt too much. I left. Now he wants me to come back, promising that he will never cheat or hurt me again. How do I believe this when I have heard this at least 9 times before?My gut tells me to leave. I love him and a part of me wants to believe him. We had a wonderful relationship except for the lying and cheating. I dont feel he deserves another chance, but both my family and his thinks that I should give him one last chance. I have been really hurt by him. I can't explain how much I have been hurt.We are both mid twenties.What do you think?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (11 February 2009):
 All I can say is that if I were you, I wouldn't waste another precious second of my life on this relationship. Saying "We had a wonderful relationship except for the lying and cheating" is like saying "He was a gentle soul except for maiming and killing". RUN!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): 9 times? Christ, you're a very tolerant sort of person!
I think the two of you are destined to go your separate ways - it's just a matter of 'when'. How many more times do you think you can forgive him? Each time you forgive him he thinks he can get away with it again because you always have him back, no matter how hurt you may be.
I think it's time to change your tactics - like NOT forgiving him for instance. 9 times! Bloody hell. I might get away with it once or twice if I was very lucky, but 9? I'd have been out on my ear a long time ago!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): Grilfriend! I have been in your position before and being in your mid-20's mean that you haven't lived your life yet and don't let your family nor his put pressure on you to stay with him. You have to decide that for yourself. Just always remember that love can make you blind to alot. And ask your bf what made him cheat and when he says "YOU" then let he be because, God has a plan and a person for everyone and you deserve better. Take care and good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): As he has cheated on you more than once, combined with the fact that you've been going out for 6 years, I think you need to seriously review the situation. In my opinion you have done the right thing in leaving him; he clearly wants you back as can be seen from his reaction to your move. However, if you do get back together with him I think you need to really lay down the rules, otherwise he will have no reason not to cheat again. Considering that you have been going out for 6 years, I would imagine that you are thinking about marriage or engagement? You need to think about what you really want out of the relationship and where it is going. On the basis of how he has treated you, I think if you go back to need to state what you want from the relationship, and if he is not prepared to give it to you, then leave and find someone else who treats you how you deserve. Six years is a long time and I think he needs to make a real committment if he wants to keep you.
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