A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I need advice on communicating better with my partner. Recently, because of the pandemic, I have been seeing my boyfriend less. We stopped visiting each other and going out. Now, all we do is text. He also still works daily, but I don't. I feel like we are not talking as much as before when we were younger, or even before the crisis. We are both in our 20s.I asked him why he texts me less and he says he talks a lot more in person. We are both introverted which I can understand why he said that though it still bothers me. We are equally managing to focus on ourselves during this time, but I always feel like something is wrong. Should I just stop overthinking about this?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2020): OP, I too am American, and every state in the Union, is in some stage of reopening. Your post sounds like you were writing in March or April, when we were all locked down, and business was forbade from opening. Most states allow outdoor dining, so meet him for lunch or diner! Honey Pie said to meet in a park, and that is a wonderful idea, and her suggestion of movie nite, geographically apart, is great, and I say to take that a step farther, both of you get on speaker phone, for the entirety of the movie! Half the fun of watching a movie, with friends, are the OMG, did you see that moments and laughing together! Tell each other when you are making a snack run to the kitchen, or when you grab a bathroom break! Listen OP, we have to adapt, due to this virus, but we do what Americans do, and that is improvise to escape limitations! True Love Will Find A Way! Best Wishes and Blessings OP!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2020): (1) "I asked him why he texts me less and he says he talks a lot more in person."
(2) "We are both introverted which I can understand why he said that though it still bothers me."
Pay attention to the answer, and reflect on it; when you ask someone a question. We sometimes have a tendency to block-out the honest truth; preferring to be told what we want to hear. Dismissing the facts, to seek what we consider to be a more palatable and acceptable response. Maybe he was just too curt or blunt with his reply to your question. If you need more clarification, ask him to explain it to you; so you'll be more understanding.
Don't rely heavily on messaging; call, and talk if that's what he prefers. Just make sure you know when he's busy working.
Many people, myself included, do not like texting as a regular or constant means of communication; because it is a tedious practice, and one-on-one communication is more personal. I use texting strictly as a tool of convenience. Not my main means of communication, like some people insist on doing.
Texting keeps you tied to your phone trying to keep-up with messages coming from dozens of people at the same time! If you're trying to work, or answer OP's questions, your phone constantly pinging becomes a nuisance! At the end of the day, you've answered so many messages between work, family, and friends that your mind is numb and needs rest. Your boyfriend is an introvert, most are not very talkative people. I also pickup that he's telling you he's a man of few words; and he talks when he has something to say. Messaging probably just isn't his thing.
You aren't working, so you have idle-time to fill. You run-out of things to keep you occupied and stimulated; so you turn to your boyfriend. He has work to keep him busy. If he's working from home; you have to ignore interim calls or random messages during the time you're in meetings, responding to emails, and performing your work-related tasks. That can be many hours out of your day. I can work anytime of the day or night I want. I can stagger my hours to my own convenience. I have people to delegate work-assignments to; but not everyone has that luxury or option.
I do believe you are overthinking, because when you have little else to do...you will!
You spoke to your boyfriend about how you feel. He gave you a very honest and concise response. The pandemic forces everyone to limit personal-contact; and if you're making limited visits with your family (including your parents, or older-relatives); you try not to make too much contact with the public for their safety. Messaging is also your link to family; which can be quite extensive. They all want to know how each-other is doing; so the messaging is continuous throughout the day or evening. I have messages waiting from friends; but family, my partner, and work are my priorities. I also like helping people here on DC. Everyone knows how I am about texting; so I never catch any flack about it. I'm not rude, every single text gets a response. It's rude to keep people waiting for long hours or days! That's mean, ill-mannered, and not my style.
Let him know when you're feeling neglected. Sometimes we dive into work, and don't realize the time. He may be getting too comfortable with the solitude...having so much peace and quiet. I'm guilty! So sue me!
Introverts do tend to live inside their heads. Thus you're overthinking. He has to come-out of his self-quarantine, and remember that he can't see you as often as before; so he also has to make sure you still feel his closeness, and sense your romantic-connection. Explain it so he may have more of an understanding from a loving and emotional-standpoint. You miss him, you miss his presence, and you're lonely! It's not just idle chit-chat; it's staying connected and feeling the need to hear from him. Now that you can't see each-other as regularly as you used to.
Don't assume anything is wrong, when you know life has changed for everyone during this stubborn and unpredictable pandemic. Sometimes you just don't feel like listening to complaints; or you get overwhelmed with reassuring people this shall pass. If your contact is filled with anxiety or angst, but not good news; people will avoid contact, not just your boyfriend. Call your parents, siblings, cousins, grand-parents; and reach-out to friends and extended-family,when your days seem long and you feel lonely. That will keep you uplifted, and occupy hours when your boyfriend may be working; or just trying to deal with his thoughts and worries about this pandemic. He may not be the kind who complains or openly expresses his worries; but prefers to contemplate and meditate over them. We all have our own ways of coping.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 July 2020):
 Set up some Skype/Facetime dates.
That way you can "talk" in sorta person in-between texting.
You CAN NOT carry on a relationship over texting. It's too easy to misinterpret or like you, let your imagination run a bit amok.
Find a hobby or something to keep you busy and moving forward, be it a new work out routine, going to daily walks, runs or whatnot. Get outside daily for some fresh air and sunshine.
And remember this HE can not be the center of your universe, that is YOUR spot.
If you don't live to far from each (and neither of you have compromised immune systems) meet up at a park or someplace and have an hour "date" can wear your face masks and not kiss :) But just to interact IN person.
Have a movie night - he watching one at his place and you at yours, and then CALL each other after and talk about it.
Be creative.
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