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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi,I have been seeing a guy casually for a few months now, we only get to see each other every couple of weeks at the moment, and keep in touch via text during the week. I have started to develop more feelings for him, and think we could have something really amazing together. I feel that i need to ask him if he wants anything more with me, and if not i need to stop what we are doing as I will end up hurt. I am not very good at face to face talks like this, and would stumble over my words and dont want to put him on the spot.I was thinking I could write him a note, explaining that I enjoy his company so much and that i really like him and was wondering if he felt he wanted to have a go at being boyf/girlf and see if we can work. Do you think this is a good idea, or naff? Should i just be able to talk to him about this? (im a typical reserved english girl and am not used to sharing my feelings!)He has brought up the future before himself and said that because he is so busy he would only have time to see a girlfriend at weekends and one night during the week, and that this has been a problem before. (i think this is quite good as i also am career focussed and find i get claustaphobic being around any one person too much) - I think we'd go well.What do you think is the best way to approach this?thanks for your help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2006): In reply to the male reader
'seeing the guy casually for a couple of months'
I shall clarify:
ok, so we have known each other for 9 months. We were meeting up just the two of us for dates for about 6 weeks before we ended up in bed, and then have been going on dates which end in bed since then. The frequency of dates has reduced recently because of my study and his training commitments (but will be far less by the middle of the month).
To be honest I thought it was the start of a relationship, and that things might develop, but I dont see how the relationship can advance if we only see each other once a fortnight and texts hardly give a lot of space to converse. I need to find out if he wants to try us out properly or not before i fall for him.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2006): I really didnt get the set up totally clear- you "seeing a guy casually for a few months" means you just get together to hook up and have sex? Or do you see him casually like you take a night class together and are in a study group. Wasnt clear.
I'll assume that you are having sex already for this answer [although should you be if you feel nervous about talking to him?].
Plan some weekend get away for you two. Its a hot-sex weekend which makes it seem innocent to him. But you will also get a chance to spend some him together, hiking, massage, dinner in which he can see you in a different light. You can see if you two have anything else build on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2006): i had the same situation but hes 31 and im 18, i started to develop feelings for him too but he said he didnt have time for a girlfriend and he was just intersted in sex and i got really hurt so its a gamble it could go either way for you you could either get it all or nothing just think long and hard as he only sees this as casual, i gambled and i got hurt so be careful and good luck.. xx
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