A
female
age
18-21,
*unty Emily
writes:ladies how common is it for guys to try and push you into things you don't want to do sexually or to atually force you-I've encountered a few guys like this and I want to know whether it's normal but girls just don't say that it's happened to them or whether I'm just associating with the wrong guys.the guys don't hit me or anything-like if I don't want to have sex my boyfriend just pulls my underwear off and forces his way in-I do make it clear I don't want to have sex by saying no over and over but he still does it and then afterwards he acts really nice and as if nothing happened-is this normal?
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female
reader, Jaydee...Rawr +, writes (25 September 2009):
 I no what you mean...It isn't right..But when its happening to you right then and there it just feels like..I can't explain it...It doesn't feel like rape...but techniqually it is...if you get me? You don't understand at the time what is happening and if he is just seeing how far he can go...then after you realise? Or am I just not on the same level?
A
female
reader, TalkingHelps +, writes (25 September 2009):
 That is rape, and no noone i went out with have ever forced me!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): I have been aggressive with girls plenty of times but I would never do this kind of thing to anyone. Never. If she doesn't want it then I don't want it either.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (25 September 2009):
 I agree that is more like rape then sex.
I think you need to dump his dumb ass and learn how to assert yourself.
THAT is not normal. One thing is one is more horny then the other, but disrespecting a no, is just plain and simply wrong.
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A
male
reader, OzBloke  +, writes (25 September 2009):
I agree with "ask oldersister", this sounds like rape. I would never force myself on a woman who said no. And I have been asked to stop by a woman. We had been fooling around and we were both physically aroused. She said no, and I kept going for about two seconds when I was hit by guilt. She said no. I knew there and then to continue would constitute rape. There was no doubt in my mind.
Albeit, I have been forceful when asked to be. It was only at the woman's request and was prearranged. I think that stands clearly as a different situation though. In your post you quite clearly are not telling him beforehand you want him to be forceful. So it can only be rape?
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (25 September 2009):
 You know, many people would consider this rape. Your boyfriend just thinks when you say "no", it's negotiable because in his mind, he was just talking you into something you wanted to do anyway- doesn't make it right though. No, this isn't normal and it's not your fault either.
Girls in this society are taught to be "nice" and unfortunately, that can lead to a lot of trouble because you submit yourself to things you are uncomfortable with because you don't want to look like a bitch. I'm sure this is why so many rapes go unreported. Likewise, your boyfriend would probably be genuinely shocked if you pressed charges.
It would be ideal if every guy out there were perfect gentlemen but they aren't and most don't even know what that means. If you are undressed to your underwear making out in your boyfriend's bed, MOST guys are going to see that as a green light no matter what comes out of your mouth. If you don't intend to have sex with someone, it's best not to put yourself in that position unless you are the type of girl that will kick, scream, and bite in order to get your point across. Or, just not care if you upset him by getting pissed off. Too many young women are more afraid of being seen as "not nice" than they are what may happen to them.
Many guys will always sexually push the envelope and see how far they can get and they depend on VERY clear, non-negotiable cues from YOU when to stop. This starts early on when they first meet you: "Can I get you a drink?" No, that's okay. "Really, let me just buy you one drink". Well, okay. It starts there. Already, the word "no" takes on a new meaning, a hesitant "yes". I suspect there's been many instances of this in regard to how you interact with guys in general. You aren't to blame, it's just a good thing to be aware of. If this is what you encounter, these are the type of guys that you early on want to stay away from in the future and that's a good way to spot them.
I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): Extremely common. They can't help themselves.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO that is so NOT NORMAL... he has to respect when you say no he shouldnt force himself on you its unacceptable and very disrespectful
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): omg my ex was exactly like that. I'm not sure if that's normal but i can say not all guys pressure you into having sex. I know this guy who has been with his girlfriend for over a year and never mentioned the word "sex" before, because he knew she wasn't ready yet. That's one of the reasons why i broke up with my ex because it seemed all he wanted was sex, so if u think this is normal then continue being with your man. But if you think he's not respecting you then it's up to you to handle this situation the way you want to. Good Luck =]
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A
male
reader, jaxky  +, writes (25 September 2009):
if he doesn't "listen" to you, why do you bother to "listen" to him;
if he doesn't "appreciate" what you want, why should you bother to "appreciate" what he wants;
talk to him nicely and make things clear for the final last time, if he still doesn't change, then go get somebody else who "listens" and "appreciates" you.
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