A
male
age
30-35,
*ooz29
writes:I was dating a girl for about 2 years, I'm 19 she is 17, we broke up recently because she going to to school for 2 years about 5 hours from where I live and I have huge trust problems but she has never given me a reason not to trust her. Any ideas how I can work on my trust problems? I just don't want to lose her.
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female
reader, lonely queen +, writes (10 March 2008):
I'm considerably older (44) than you and understand how personal insecurity can be turned outward at this stage of your life. As you stated, she's never given you any reason to doubt her loyalty. Perhaps you're afraid of what you might do in her absence and are projecting those fears onto her. Maybe you're afraid that she'll meet someone better than you. She's expanding her world by going away to school. I think at this young age, it is a good idea to "take a break" while you're apart. Stay in touch as friends but without the pressure of maintaining a long-distance relationship. Her focus should be on her education not reassuring you. If you love her, you want to remove any obstacles that would hinder her educational success. Even if you are the obstacle.She is going to meet many new people but you have to be able to keep that in perspective. She is in school and leaving home. What are you doing at this point? Are you in school as well? Are you moving forward or standing still. Perhaps, this is a good time for you to focus on yourself and your future.I had this same discussion 2 years ago with my daughter before she left for college. She swore that she and the boyfriend were in love and nothing could ever come between them. She went to school and he stayed home. Her world expanded and his remained the same. They grew apart within 6 months. He was calling her constantly needing to be reassured she wasn't dating anyone else. His insecurity became an obstacle to her success. She ended the relationship but they remain good friends. Just something to think about. If its meant to be, you'll find your way back to each other. If not, the time you spent together will be wonderful memory you'll cherish the rest of your life. It will also be tool to use in future relationships.We can continue to talk about if it you like.
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