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How can I win his heart though he is with someone else?

Tagged as: Forbidden love, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 December 2005) 19 Answers - (Newest, 23 August 2009)
A female , *lossom76 writes:

i am starting to really like this man, but he has a girlfriend. he says there's nothing there, but he is afraid to make her go because she has no where to go. but he won't make our dating experience known to her. but everyone in my family knows and friends. i want him to myself, i'm starting to fall for him. how can i win his heart?

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A female reader, sunkissedrose Thailand +, writes (23 August 2009):

has anyone replied to you? we are in the same situation :( just that, it wasnt a girlfriend he is living with now, its a crazy young thai woman who doesnt want to leave his house though several times he kicked her out...although he does like her too though and in fact feels bad whenever he locks the door for her :( i am stupid to still hang on to him :(

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009):

April 3, 2009

Can someone give me an advice on what to do?

I have meat this man in 1999; in 2001 I gave birth to his child a baby boy.

I always loved him I still have feelings about this man I love him so much never stop thinking about him it has been so many years I never moved on with my life, I tried but he keeps coming back in to my life sure we do share I child together.

He is with another women has 2 kids with her to.

He tells me that he thinks about be he missies me a lot but it’s complicated at the moment he has the business and assets under her name to avoid paying child support and Divorce settlement for his first wife.

He is with her now but still sleeps with me to,

We have good friendship always get along we are comparable in bedroom we like each other and miss each other spend quality time together I ges????

However, I want him for my self and be with him, he always tells me the same story I am sick of it????

Before you give an advice I want you to know.

1 this man was married before 15 years divorce and has 2 kids.

2 after the divorce I come aloe have a 1 child with him.

3 he is with a another women now and has 2 kids with her to.

I am the only one who he thinks more and never ending relationship for 9 years, always been in touch and make love.

He is not happy at home with this woman she is not what he wants I am telling him way you staying with her if she is not what you want.

he tells me that his destiny I believe the destiny it’s what you make to be.

What you think do I have a chance with this man or not??????

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2008):

I have been in a similiar siutation to yourself. Ok, so when you see him you feel good right? Like a drug, a fix! Then when you come down from that high you feel bad. See, that is the problem you are wasting your life for the good times! When he goes back to his girlfriend is he not doing the physical side of their relationship with her???? How does that make you feel, not nice is it???.....Live your life, detach yourself, it will be better for your self esteem and confidence, trust me I have been there!!! Good Luck!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2008):

be your self, set your limits and don't be available at demand.....ok the start up is not ideal, but if you want to go for it and make it work he should pull his waight and make time 4 you, invest energy etc. Set a timelimit for example 2 months in this period he should get straight...make a choice or kick him out. Don't waist your time if he is into you that much.....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007):

have you guys ever heard of the term piece of a$$ thats how they look at you believe me. if you want to stick around for your selfish reasons of lonliness make no mistake that this is not love nor is it companionship because your companion wont leave you in your bed to be with his main woman trust me weather its a couple of hours at night or a over nighter just know your not the main one your just the other one maranate this inside and let it absorbe and be strong to realizem HE IS NOT YOUR MAN

he will never respect you for lowering your standards they never do

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007):

I was in a similar situation. I dated this guy for four years. I knew him for 2 years before we started dating. I knew he was married, but he told me that he they weren't really together. She travelled a lot for work and was never home. They couldn't agree on the terms of the divorce. She wanted to cheat him of his fair share. Then they fionally reached an agreement that once she found a new job out of state, she would sign the divorce. I found out it was all a big lie. There was no divorce. Never a plan for divorce. Yes, she travelled a lot. But they were indeed a couple. I can't tell you how much this guy hurt me.

DOn't be sucker like me. Run away from this guy before he hurts you more than he already has. If he wanted to leave this woman, he'd probably leave. It's just a lame excuse and you can't see it because you're in love.

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A female reader, maryann61181 United States +, writes (10 May 2007):

maryann61181 agony auntWhat is up with all these women butting into a relationship? You need to find someone who is single. What if the roles were reversed? What if your man was the one cheating on you with another woman? Women need to stick together. This men is selfish - stay away from him, because who knows when he's going to get tired of you and then run and find someone else.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2007):

It seems that there is more to the situation that he is not telling you... if there is really nothing there he would of ended the relationship by now..it may be that he has mutual feelings for both of u or there is something that each of u have that the other dose not. I would try to give him time and not letting him get the best of u while he still has someone else..date another guy let him realized that he cant have both of u...time will tell if he really wants u or if u are just a side fling...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2007):

If you really truly love him make a move Im sure that girl will find somewhere to go she has friends and family right so dont feel bad I once had the same problem as you and that girl is now close friends with me

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2007):

Hey, i am in the exact situation right now. he has a girlfriend...but i am with him all the time, literally. so i am like kinda hestitant about getting attached to him, but i cant really help it becasue i like him so much. so i dunno...i am just thinking of backing off a bit so he can really decied what he wants to do. Because there is no point being second to none.

I know its risky, becasue you never no what his ultimate decision is going to wether it is you or her. you cant let him just tag you along for ride and play with your emotions. no matter how much they say they like you.

so yea.....i am going to have to take my own advice and i no its going to be ruff. but i have to.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006):

I am in a situation where a man is in a long term relationship. He has been living with this woman for over 5 years and I think they have known each other for longer than that. I met this person through my job. It started out as having dinner or coffee. Over the course of a year, I realized he was significant to me and I cared. He had told me that he was having difficulties with his relationship a long time ago. He is still with this person. Since I now realize my feelings for him, I have to limit my contact. It is so hard. He's 13 years older than me (I'm 44) and worldly and polite and sensitive, and I absolutely love being with him. The right thing to do is to not see him for 6 months initially and let him sort things out. Let him know what you are doing. Then start improving your own life. Lose weight, take dancing lessons, redecorate, join a book club, revisit tennis, work on your own life and interests and keep dating. I did try seeing this man once again because I missed him. My feelings were too strong. I can't be just friends. I can't pretend. I'm very passionate towards this person. He enlivens my senses and my intellect. I want more. I don't want to be just a fling. The right thing to do is to not see him. It will be hard, but work on your own life. I am. If you love him, work on your own life. You will be a better girlfriend/mate. He will see how strong you are and it may bring him closer to you. He will be attracted to your independence and strength. It may take time for him to leave but he knows he will be with a lady who can take care of herself. If you love yourself, work on your own life. You deserve a man who will cherish and love only you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2006):

Hey. I was in this situation over a year ago. The guy told me that was going to leave his girlfriend and we spent alot of time together. Here it is over a year later and guess what? theyre still together.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2006):

Im in a quite similar situation exept that he is in love with the girl and not an item.she acts like she knows that you like him,and try's making it very clear,ecspecially when you are around.make sure that you really love him before you do anything!tell him how you feel and tell him that he cant be like her guardian forever.you might even want to hint a little that your life is pointless without

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2006):

move on girl,there lots of fish inthe ocean........life is too short to waist time on this guy...........

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2006):

Hmm Im going through the same situation right now...Although he has a girlfriend that he says he doesn't even like but just can't get rid of...Im still going for it I donno like if you really like someone you should just go for it...you might end up heartbroken or you might find your soul mate how will you ever know if you don't go for it?...I don't like to live my life in regret id rather go for it then spend the rest of my life wondering what if

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2005):

He is still with someone and u want him...believe me he will one day get rid of her...then when hes with you...he'll get rid of u for someone else...

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A female reader, sexseahot United States +, writes (12 December 2005):

sexseahot agony auntI would suggest that you let him know how you feel about this situation. This isn't fair to you and definitely not his girlfriend. Tell him, that if he really wants to be with you, then he has to let his girlfriend go. Who does he really care about more? Seems like this guy is stringing you both along, which isn't right whatsoever.

Leave him be for a little bit maybe so he can decide who he really wants. But definitely don't wait around forever. There are many more men out there that are not attached to anyone and would love to have you.

Anyways, if he's doing this to his girlfriend now, will he do this again if you guys hook up? That's a good question to ask yourself. Is he able to be trustworthy and honest?

Guys in relationships are usually tough situations, it's hard to guess the outcome, some are good some are bad. Just be careful.

Good Luck!

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A female reader, Racky +, writes (12 December 2005):

Racky agony aunthi

if he likes you enough you won't need to win him over, i would advise you to sit down with him and tell him how you feel and ask him how he feels that way you will both know what each other expects and if the same then the rest will follow if not then it may be time to change direction and find someone who feels the same for you as you do for them. all the best

racky

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A reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (12 December 2005):

Rebecca Batchelor agony auntDon't try to win his heart unless you want to end up with a broken one of your own (not to even mention his poor girlfriend).

Your best bet is to leave this man alone to sort out his problems (if he does indeed have any...and you can only take his word for it that he does) with his girlfriend.

It shouldn't be a case of trying to win his heart. If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you. What he is doing with you is unfair and deceitful to his girlfriend even if they do have troubles.

Perhaps he does want her to go but he needs to sort this out first and foremost and then maybe consider getting involved with someone else if he is ready to.

The very fact that he would entertain someone else while involved with someone is the trademark of someone who may not be entirely straight and faithful, so be wary.

Walk away from him, allow him the space to sort out any difficulties he may have and consider finding someone unattached.

I'm sorry to be so forthright but attached men or women, no matter what they say, really are a no go zone.

I hope this helps.

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