A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so i have been with my girlfriend for about 10 months now. I really love her, but i dont know how far she would be willing to take it yet. We havent gone much farther than making out, so i dont know what would make her feel uncomfortable. Even though i told her anytime she felt uncomfortable, to tell me, i feel like she might not if she's too shy about it. Any advice on how to bring up taking it a step further and how to talk about it with her ? And also, how can i bring up and ask how far she is willing to go ? I would really appreciate your help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009): Wait, so were making out and she took your shirt off? In that case, don't worry because it sounds to me like she's kinda taking things into her on hands. Let her go at a pace thats okay with her just follow along with her. Next time you guys are making out in your room you could ask her in a jokey manner if she wants to rip your shirt off again... you know... flirt. You sir, have nothing to worry about. And you specifically said by next step you don't mean sex so why are people still talking about sex? Any way, if any sex is involved, you aren't stupid and you know to use a condom so I won't go into that any further.
Basically, let her lead when it comes to taking next steps... work at her pace
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A
female
reader, smkiismoke +, writes (7 September 2009):
 still... the time shouldnt be now i'm almost 18 n i still say there should be some maturing before you take that step...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlmost 16 yrs old
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A
female
reader, smkiismoke +, writes (7 September 2009):
hate to sound prudish but i seems that you both ae too youthful to do something as meaningful and powerful as having sex... ur age bracket says 13 to 15 you should let her develop first..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009): everyone who answered and felt they could help this boy out had an obligation to alert him to use protection. you all failed in responding about condoms and seem more concerned about helping into this girls good box. we as adults should bring up protection and anyone who has sex has that obligation to themself and their partner to use a condom. sex last for five minutes, babies are a lifetime.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009): try talking about condoms with her first, or what would you two do together if she accidently got pregnant because you were more concerned with 'moving to the next step', but not what the responsibilities of sex are. sex is a step, but before you even get there every person knows that they must discuss pregnancy prevention, what to do if that occurs, your responsibility to use protection every time, and being certain no one cheats and brings an s.t.d. into the relationship. its all about talking like an adult and reassuring her that you care for her and are willing to take care of her body and not just have sex, but make those descisions beforehand to prevent anyone from getting hurt or sued. if you do not have those talks along with moving to the next step, you really do not give two eff's about this girl. a real man who is ready for the 'next' step can handle the reality of sex. man up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank all fo you for the advice. im sure it will come in really handy. and No, i am not going to try and pressure her in any way, especially not about something delicate like this. i think that its best if i wait a couple more months and maybe perhaps bring up the topic. we have already talked about it, but not much and maybe just about twice. another thing, by another step i do Not mean sex. i am pretty sure that she wouldnt take that huge step at this age and i understand and i am willing to wait as long as it takes. i am simply asling for advice to this. one time i was at my house alone and she came over and after a while we went into my room and started making out on my bed, and she tool my shirt off. i was very surprised because i never thought that she would do that. that is why i dont know how far she would be willing to go, and i am asking for advice so that i dont do anything that i would later regret and make her lose all the trust she has in me. i am concerned that if i do something without me knowing what her limits are she might think thats all i want from her but its not. if anyone out there could help me out here that would be of Great help.
Thanks.
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A
male
reader, vonVent  +, writes (6 September 2009):
 "A female reader, bambam88 +, writes (6 September 2009):
I assume you mean by take the next step you mean sex?
Well your far too young to be doing that, you should at least wait until you are both legal."
Haha, "legal"?! Dear God, you are talking like they want to commit some kind of crime or something. :D
If they BOTH feel it is appropriate no moral taboos or cultural prejudice should stand in their way.
The only thing they should worry about is safe sex.
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A
male
reader, vonVent +, writes (6 September 2009):
Look, probably she's just afraid to take the next step, and this is completely normal, considering your age (i assume she is around your years). Why don't you talk openly about this with her and see where that goes.
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A
female
reader, Duckyhelp  +, writes (6 September 2009):
 Simply just bring it up on msn i would say, its the easiest and less embarassing way to do it, just meantion there is something you would like to discuss with her and that you have been thinking about it for a while, BUT DO make it clear that you dont want to pressure her in anyway, and you want her to feel comfortable.Hope i helped x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2009): unless you plan on marrying the girl do not waste her virginity. wait another two months at least. its only been ten months. thats not even the start of a strong bond. why pressure her? why? if she seems shy about the situation or unsure, and doesn't speak up about it then leave it alone. love is not about sex kid. thats the benefits, and they are only earned after trust, memories, committment have been built. if you feel she may still be shy about talking about it- then what you are planning to do is pressure her. flat out. if you are unsure that she will be outspoken then your just looking for a way to manipulate the situation. if you cannot tell how she will react- then you don't deserve to get into her panties! learn more about the girl before you try to screw her.
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