A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a single mother of a 2 year old boy. His father is not currently around and has only seen him a handful of times in his whole life. Hasn't seen him in months. The problem is everytime I go to a function or hang out with friends every man thats around that interacts with my son within minutes my son starts to call him "daddy." It gets really embarrassing because I feel that it triggers pity in people. My son also does that with other members of the family such as my brothers, my dad, even my stepdad. It just seems like every guy my son meets that pays him a little attention and interacts with him he starts to call him daddy. How can I get him to stop this? His dad being around is out of the question because I can't force him to be a dad plus he lives half way across the state. Please I need any advice possible this is getting WAY out of hand.PS: And having the father contact him is out of the question because the dad does not i repeat does not want anything to do with us. He just wants to pay child support and move on with his life.
View related questions:
move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2012): Agree with consensus, but also must point out that at some point your son will start asking specific questions about HIS daddy and you are going to have to confront the issue that your son does indeed have a father but he's not in the picture and likely will never be part of his son's life although he does support him financially.
All I can suggest is follow son's lead, answer his specific questions about his father as he asks when he asks but don't volunteer too much info before he's ready to absorb it, don't lie and don't sugarcoat, don't make excuses but don't demonize, take the high road and don't turn your son against his father, allow your son to grow to hate his absentee father on his own for all the legitimate reasons your ex will provide all by himself while also leaving door open for possibility that father may have a future change-of-heart, unlikely but not impossible.
Still recoiling at clueless poster from a few months ago who told her kid that absent-by-choice father was at the North Pole working for Santa Claus rather than tell him the truth, please do not invent similar far-fetched story to avoid reality as unpleasant as it may be, in the end
deceiving him will only do more harm than good (and telling THAT lie will end up making your son hate Christmas as much as he'll hate his father like that poor kid, thanks Mom).
And although sperm donor is a heartless selfish bastard to physically abandon his son, he is at least fulfilling his legal obligation by paying child support so while he may be an absentee father he's not also a deadbeat father, and as son gets older he should be made to understand that distinction.
Lucky for your son he has strong male role models in his life (grandfather, uncles, step-grandfather) to whom he can look up, very important for a boy and will go a long way to mitigate sperm donor's absence.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): Don't worry about it. This is actually a really common problem, and not just for single mothers! Plenty of young children think daddy means man.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 July 2012):
 You can't really stop him from doing it, you can tell him that :"no, that's not daddy - it's so and so" and move on, make no big deal out of it. It's quite natural.
My oldest daughter would call EVERY guy she saw daddy too, as long as they wore the same type of uniform as my husband. She didn't see him much at home because of his work hours. And she had no discrimination in who she called daddy. If he was tall and in uniform she would say:" daddy!."
My middle daughter called the neighbor husband daddy. (and her own dad as well).
Don't worry he will out grow it.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 July 2012):
 Sweetie.. I was a married mommy and my son called EVERY man he saw daddy... which was funny to me when he did it to the men of different races...
folks just laughed. I think for some kids DADDY is the word they use to mean MAN...
It's not a reflection on you as a single mom... and the key to this is you FEEL.... you THINK that folks are feeling pity and you are embarrassed... but if you were partnered and he did it, then you would laugh... because it's what kids do.
all you say is "no that's not daddy that's... grandpa or uncle bill or that' our friend steve...."
you just matter of factly correct him.
this too shall pass.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): Is he in regular contact with his biological father?
If so, teach him ONLY to call his father "Daddy".
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 July 2012):
 "No, he's a friend." "His name is . . ."
"We only have one daddy, that's it. Each of us."
"Not all the mommies and daddies live together."
"Here is a picture of your daddy. He lives in . . ."
"This guy is not a daddy. He has no children."
"This guy has a child already at home. That's where they live."
Single moms are becoming more common. It's not abnormal for a young child to worry about where daddy is. Whenever my son used to do that I just smiled and not let that become an embarrassmnent. People who pity you do not understand the real world. People who feel offended do not understand the mind of a young child of a single parent. If you look happy and confident, and have ambitions yourself, single parenting is quite the norm and is no longer something to be pitied.
...............................
|
