A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice. For the past six months I have been sleeping with my ex teacher. Nothing happened while we were in school, im 20 years old and so its all perfectly legal. There is a big age gap but that doesnt bother me. We hadnt seen each other for years and got chatting on facebook and things just progressed. I was seeing someone else for a little while and cooled things with Teacher but he would still text me everyday and want to see me. Things ended with this other bloke and teacher was still texting me and as id liked him for years, i started things back up. He stayed over my house and was a bit cautious about my house mates as we've kept our arrangement a secret. Ever since that night hes been dead quiet. Doesnt text anymore, makes no effort and its me making all the effort now. I asked him about it and he said it was because he lost his job and he was stressed out. I have seen him within the past 2 weeks twice and both times things have happened but last time i saw him he said how he had gone on a date with another girl.I have fallen for this guy big time and I want a relationship now. The fact hes dated other girls recently really really upsets me. I want to tell him I want more but im scared he doesnt and that he will end our situation. As i left his house the last time i saw him (this time we didnt sleep together), ive been going through some rough times atm and he said if i ever need a chat then to just ring him and shout at him and let my anger out and i feel this goes from just casually sleeping together to caring about one another and maybe more because we have never phoned each other, only ever text to arrange hook ups. How can I say to him I want more without scaring him away.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know, i thought that, the lack of texting and effort meaning he's lost interest. So I did say to him at the start of the week that maybe we should stop seeing each other because it feels like he doesnt want to see me and that its me who wants to see him now and that it should be equal and he said that he was really sorry that I felt like that and that he had just been really busy trying to find a new job and stuff and that he does still want to see me. So that added confusion because he's not making effort yet still wants to see me :S
A
female
reader, Valkerie +, writes (20 November 2011):
Before you take any steps towards trying to pursue this connection I recommend you have a good think about what you want.
Hooking up for casual sex with your ex teacher may be legal, age wise, but it isn't ever going to be an equal relationship. You can't undo the history between you, both in and out of school.
I totally understand the attraction on both sides, what worries me is that now he is showing classic signs of having lost interest - and you are falling into the trap of pursuing him.
Make a list of what you really want form a loving partnership, and then take a good look at how he measures up. You may have to settle for less if you pursue him.
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