A
male
age
41-50,
*abbahut905
writes:Hi my relationship with my girlfriend ended suddenly and today I decided I couldn't hang on to items and Projects that I did when I was with her and one of the things I tore up was a list that she made of me called The Pro's and Cons of dating Steven Hardy and 2 of the things she put was he's good in bed and for the con, it said it feels like our relationship is based on just sex, problem my parents went through the trash and pieced the list together and found out we had sex now they are really stressing out about the whole thing but I wore a condom and pulled out when I was about to ejaculate and I know that I get a really good warning so I pulled out in plenty of time. Now my Mom is saying she hopes I never get another girlfriend ever again and if I do she is gonna make it so difficult for me but I am fully confident I haven't gotten her pregnant because with her situation it would not be ideal cos of her mental health problems and they are totally convinced that I have gone and gotten her pregnant, any Ideas on how I can put their minds at rest? Would be greatly apprieciated
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male
reader, Jabbahut905 +, writes (28 August 2007):
Jabbahut905 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFair Enough Thanks for Trying I'm Just gonna have to see girls in Secret as Just friends and Try to be friends with my EX without them knowing Cos they hate her guts now , Kim phoned me earlier on to Explain exactly what happened that night and her Friend Kayley Hates me thinks I'm a complete moron and wouldn't let me near her kids ever cos I'm a bad influence and talked Kim ibto finishing with me she said thats what she wanted but was going to do it gently face to face in a bar on saturday evening but when she was in the shower Kay got hold of Kims phone and texted me you're dumped ad told Kim that she had saved her the Job of dumping me herself but she had no credit on her phone to call me and put it right so I hope we are friends again and Thanks for your words of advice .
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (27 August 2007):
 Hi.
Sorry for the delay. I have been traveling, moving my daughter out of Uni. I have to tell you, I have a great deal of trouble letting her make her own decisions. I'm afraid that I still do judge my two kids by their actions and not their words, even though I know they both have pretty good character. Perhaps it is a parental flaw. Sorry my advice was not more helpful. Good luck with everything.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (27 August 2007):
If you were to see your gf in secret dont think this may cause problems for the relationship? She may want to meet your parents and if you ever want to become very serious about a girl, wont this have to happen?
I think its best to keep working on the issue with your parents wnating to keep you a virgin for life.
Maybe you could talk to a professional like a counsellor or something about these issues you have with your parents. Or maybe even to your doctor who knows alot about your syndrome, maybe they can give you some points to point out to your parents that you are able to make decisions for yourself? If that is true...
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous  +, writes (27 August 2007):
What your parents must be made to realize then is that you are an adult and can/will/and have to make your own decisions. They CANNOT use this to control you and keep you under lock and key. You have a right to have a life and you are perfectly capable of this. What you need is support and not have life-decisions made for you. Don't hide a girlfriend fom them, they need to know you can handle yourself. Or maybe hold off on telling them right away so you can later on say, "look, she's been my girlfriend for a few months, isn't pregnant" and whatever else you need to seem to prove to them.
While Asperger's falls on the Autistic scale, as far as I know, it doesn't negatively affect your intellectual development and therefore I doubt it has much of an effect on your ability to make rational decisions. But, they should know all this and on top of that, your case is very mild. Your writing on this page is a testiment that you can reason and communicate.
The behavior of your family makes me very mad, like you are to be a caged animal. They're the ones with the problem and need to grow up. This might be a bad idea, but in my blind fury I am tempted to say let them see this page so they can see what you are capable of and what others think about you and them.
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A
male
reader, Jabbahut905 +, writes (26 August 2007):
Jabbahut905 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have been diagnosed with aspergus syndrome 3 years ago its a very mild case of the condition and cos of it my parents really take advantage in treating like a child and making decissions for me and it really bugs me at times so there plan was to keep me a virgin for life and cos they failed their getting all power mad cos of it
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (26 August 2007):
Wait...hold the phone...explain what you mean by "difficulties."
I know that perhaps telling us what you mean could be embarrassing, but in order for a complete answer and good insight to be given, we might need to know what this means.
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A
male
reader, Jabbahut905 +, writes (26 August 2007):
Jabbahut905 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCalmly and rationaly them they don't do comprimise so next time I do get my next gf I will just see her in secret and insist that we are JUST FRIENDS nothing more .
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A
female
reader, happytochat +, writes (26 August 2007):
Why do you think your parents are so worried/scared about you geting her pregnant? Is it because they think you are too young to have a child? Maybe they dont beleive in having sex unless you are married/in a serious relatiosnhip?
Either way, I think any parent would be worried about their kids geting pregnant, whether it be a daughter or there son geting a female pregnant. But it seems to me you feel your parents are going to the exstreme of worrying? Especially if your mum said if you ever get a gf she will make it so hard for both of you. That must be pretty hard to deal with. Especially if you truly beleive that you knwo how to have safe sex. So it means the yare worrying for nothing.
Talk to your parents about practicing safe contraception. For example ALWAYS using a condom and the girl going on the pill. This is very effective, however, sometmes people do get unlucky. Find out what your parents beleive is safe sex and come to some sort of agreement.
As for proving that you have not gotten your ex pregnant, if you still have contact with her you could maybe ask her to take a pregnancy test to show your parents? You could point out to your parents that if she was pregnant she would more then liekly come and tell you...so you would know about it if she was.
As for the other peoples suggestions, to just leave home, thats not always easy is it? I too am in a similar situation to you where my parents seem to be sort of trying to control me and basicaly its hard to live by there rules. But its not just as simple as leaving, especialy if you are at college studying. Living out of home while u r studying can be very hard. So my advice to you is to remember your parents care about you and only want whats best, and to talk to them calmly and rationaly about things.
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A
male
reader, Jabbahut905 +, writes (26 August 2007):
Jabbahut905 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey Thats Just the Problem birdynumnums I do live at home and they do control me its cos I don't pick up very much money at work cos i have slight difficulties but EVENTUALLY I will be out when I have enough saved and have gotten intouch with a housing assosiation . I wish I had Just burned everything now if I'd've known they were gonna do that , well I shoulda known they've been treating me like this for the past 15 years over various things its just that I never had my girlfriend till I was nearly 19 so up untill then it was Music , Movies and TV shows they were trying to stop me from doing but I Honestly thought that by the time I got to 26 nearly it would've stopped
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (26 August 2007):
Ditto. They can't run your life if you're not living at home,
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (26 August 2007):
Yeah, you're between 22-25, what the hell are they going through the garbage for and treating you like you're ten years younger? They've got to realize they can't hold a leash on you like this. If they don't trust you, they don't trust you. You're an adult now, leave.
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A
male
reader, DJ8433 +, writes (26 August 2007):
 If your gf is not pregnant, then she's not pregnant by you. You're old enough to have sex, then you're old enough to accept responsibility for your actions. Leave the house and be on your own, then you're parent will stop controlling you. Problems solved.
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