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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hello.How do I know, I mean REALLY know if my boyfriend is cheating on me?His office is mostly women employees. And I met him that way. He owns a small business. He has about 10 women who work there and only three men, all of whom are older and married. I started out temp and now I am perm as I am his girlfriend. We keep it quiet as we do not want to mix our relationship with his business.Sometimes I wonder if he can be trusted. I worry he met me at work and will try to replace me with one of the other women down the road if an opportunity became open.How can I stop thinking this way? I question him about it but he just denies it. I do not have money for a private investigator. Not sure what my options are. I don't want to leave him because I am happy with him for the most part.I wish I could track his phone but I don't know how. And yes, I do want to find proof, if any exists, before I leave him. Any ideas how I can get proof?I know I will not rest without it. And I will not leave him without it.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (7 June 2016):
 Tracking his phone won't STOP him from cheating nor would it give you 100% proof.
But IT does make you into someone I don't think you really are. A "crazy GF with trust issues". JUST because he employ women and he met YOU are work doesn't mean he is looking for your replacement. Or looking to cheat.
What you are in essence are doing is self-sabotage. You will push him away with all this distrust. No one likes to have to defend themselves constantly from their OWN partner. I can tell you this if my husband started to treat me like he thought I was a cheater, wanting to check up on me, spy on me, invade my privacy - I'd be pretty upset and if it didn't stop, at some point I am pretty sure my feeling would cool for him and eventually I'd say enough and walk away.
Maybe YOU need to figure out where these doubts, distrusts and insecurities are coming from and WORK on them.
There is NO way he can show you that he isn't cheating, if you have made your mind up that he is. And there is no way you can trust him NOT to cheat.
So really? What's the point in being with him?
A
female
reader, answerfromtheheart +, writes (7 June 2016):
 I'd like to know what actually gives you the suspicion that he might be cheating?Have you felt this way with every boyfriend you had, or is this only happening with your current situation?My advise is that if you feel you need to track his phone or hire a private investigator to be sure he is not cheating on you, you deserve to be with a man who does not make you feel so insecure. You either have a gut feeling, which I highly advise you listen to, or you are very insecure about your own worth and cannot accept someone loving you, which means you need to work on loving yourself better and not be in a relationship that makes you feel so suspicious.You may never find your proof, but that's not the point. The point is to find a person with whom you feel happy, safe, secure, worry free, cared for and loved. If being with this man makes you feel stressed, suspicious, anxious, jealous, uneasy, untrusting, he is simply not for you, so don't stress yourself out. Move on and find the one who loves you.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (7 June 2016):
 I mean no disrespect with the things I'm about to say, OP, but you need a bit of a reality check...."Sometimes I wonder if he can be trusted. I worry he met me at work and will try to replace me with one of the other women down the road if an opportunity became open" - you're basically saying he can't be trusted because he met you through work. If he cheated on someone with you, then I can understand you being concerned you may not be able to trust him not to cheat on you with someone else, but you have not mentioned a valid reason to feel he's cheated/cheating."I do not have money for a private investigator. Not sure what my options are. I don't want to leave him because I am happy with him for the most part" - how are you happy if you'd hire a private investigator on him? If you had the money, you'd hire someone to spy on your boyfriend; that's not healthy."I wish I could track his phone but I don't know how"- thank God you don't, OP! What would it accomplish? You'd now where his phone was, but you would know what he was doing without stalking him. This is obsessive thinking and I know you don't want to leave without proof, but you can't prove someone isn't cheating, so this will constantly play on your mind - for example, you can find flirty texts to someone else to prove cheating, but you can't not find flirty texts to someone else to prove they're not cheating, as you'd think they'd been deleted. It's a toxic cycle of distrust and paranoia that you're in. You need to either trust that he's not cheating unless you have a valid reason to *without* snooping (which you don't), or break up now because you just can't bring yourself to trust him. There is not relationship without trust.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2016): Don't you think you're being somewhat paranoid? There is always a 50/50 chance a boyfriend is cheating, and a 50/50 chance you may at some point yourself. He has to trust that some guy won't come along, and you might decide you like him more; or you may rekindle feelings for an ex. There's always some risk involved in committing to a relationship, and sometimes you just have to trust each other.
If you met him on the wrong terms, you may be fearing your own karma. Spying and snooping is going to annoy him and he will most likely leave you. No one can stand being under a microscope and always accused of things with no evidence to support anything has happened.
If you have a gut-feeling he is cheating, what have you found to support these feelings so far? Just a feeling is not enough. I don't think you'd appreciate being accused of cheating; because he had a feeling you were. How would you feel about that? You know you're not. What if he insisted on it,and started spying and snooping around behind your back? Reverse role,s and imagine how such a thing would make you feel.
You have to have solid evidence, and you can't go digging on nothing more than insecurity and suspicion. If he leaves you, it may not be for someone else; it may be due to your paranoia and baseless suspicion.
Cheaters always slip-up. Count on it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2016): This relationship is over. You don't trust them, you want to find a way to prove he's cheating. The relationship is over. I would send out a new resume, get a resume ready to go. Because I think he's the guy who hired you. You are now vulnerble and need a new job
I think sad to say it's time to put this relationship and into the history books and end it. Break up with the guy you don't trust, it's over??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2016): Well you said you can't hire a private investigator her, so you need to rely on your friends. I would make sure that your friends know that you think your boyfriend is cheating on you. And I would get them to follow him. I would ask your best friend if her sister or brother would do the favor of calling your boyfriend around for two or three weeks. That should be enough time to know if he is cheating on you.
One more thing, if you are in your late 20s and you have to keep your relationship secret then there is something really really wrong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2016): trust your gut. you shouldn't have the urge to snoop if you were secure with him. if you do snoop be prepared to take action.
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