A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please help. Any advice would be so appreciated. My self destructive behaviour is destroying my relationship happiness. I don't know how to escape it. My dad left when I was two because my mum cheated on him. She then moved my step-dad in straight away. He was always putting me down for no reason at all and my mum never really showed me any great deal of praise or affection. I then suffered extreme abuse from the age of 10 to 12 from my older sisters boyfriend who started to live in my family home. He used to grab me by the throat and tell me that I was ugly, worthless and pathetic. I have a huge mental block about the rest of what specifically happened at times. I began cutting myself to feel something else other than the hatred that I had began to feel for myself. I even started to contemplate dying. I eventually plucked up the courage to tell my mum what had been happening to me and she said that I was just attention seeking. I acquired so many intimacy, commitment and rejection issues from that day on. It has turned me into a far too independant person to the point where when my fiancee would do things for me money wise I would start resenting him. I'd feel so happy and safe but it would make me restless too. When we first met the sex was amazing but its almost like the more I started to fall in love with him the more it put me off him sexually. Sometimes it would even make me cry, feel sick and used after we made love. I'm so confused because I do have a very high sex drive but yet I would feel no passion at times. It makes no sense because hes a fantastic looking guy and treated me like a queen. This isn't the first time I've felt this way in a relationship either. I've never cheated nor have I ever participated in one night stands. I'm a relationship person but am scared of a relationship. I just end up being sexual alone in the end.We split up yesterday and I just feel so hopeless. He says that I will never be happy with him no matter what he does and that I need to just accomplish something on my own to be happy. But I dont know what the answer is. I feel like I've lost my best friend. How can I manage to have a normal relationship where sex and love doesn't have to be separate?
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best friend, fiance, money, one night stand, sex drive, split up Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2007): I must agree with spanna. You need professional counseling. Your fiancee, provided he is still concerned, should be in on the sessions. You are a young woman and you cannot let this thing dominate your future. You are losing the best years of your life. Get help now. You must get this sorted out in your mind, and understand what is causing you reject those who truly love you. There is no happiness in your future if you do not. That is all I can say. Best wishes to you, Tom
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2007): Whether you can go to a counsellor with the boyfriend you just split with or not, I think you ought to see one on your own. You have suffered serious abuse, not just the physical abuse from your sister's boyfriend, but emotional abuse from your stepfather, and from your mother when you turned to her for help. You should have some professional help dealing with that. Best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, cupidette +, writes (9 September 2007):
God you sound just like me with regards to how you're feeling and what you are like in relationships.. I'd love to be able to give advice, but I can't give any here. You're not alone though.
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