A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 23. We have a long distance realationship and its been so hard on me! i really love him and i really need him in my life! He loves me too he tells me he loves me that he would never leave me and that he has already decided that he wants to speand the rest of his life with me and make a family! Its been so difficult on us becuase my parents are in the way. i have tried to talk to both of them and try to make them understand that i love him and want to be with him. That a long distance is hard and i know that he is the one i want to stay with but they don't understand and that they dont' want me to be with him. they really hate him but they don't even have a reason since they first met him they have not liked him. i tried to talk to them to let me leave and be with him before i am 18 and leave when i am 17 because to wait that long is too much! i have tried everthing to convince him and now they , my parents have threaten me of calling the police and i don't want to get him in trouble becuase then it would be longer for us to be together and then i won't see him at all!so i don't insist about leaving anymore! i don't talk to my dad anymore! and i told my mom that fine i would wait until i am 18 but that i need her to be taking me to go see him and that he will be coming to see me. but i have been the only one in our long distance realationship that has gone to go see him. he says he can't and gives me a whole lot of reasons but that he will but he doesn't know when. and i keep thinking that he won't come and i won't be able to see him becuase my parents want him to come and see me before i do becuase he hasn't. and that he should becuase is not fair that he hasn't.also this couple of days we dont' talk as much as before. he calls me every chance he can when he is at work and because of his min we never have a chance to talk for a long while and i need to talk with him alot because its hard when he is not their.so i have been feeling really mad at him. and besides that i feel so much hatered towards my parents. and i usually take it out on him. i need him to come and i want him to understand that i need him and he should make and effort too. and every lil thing he says makes me mad. and i don't know how to control my feeling. we fight so much and i am affraid i am goin to lose him and i really need him i really love him and he keeps saying he will wait for me and he doesnt care the time he loves me and he will never leave me but how can i be sure of that. i am so scared because its a year in a half until i will be able to be with him and its just real hard not to be with him and i feel that he will leave me. and i want to see him.what should i do?how can i control my feelings so i won't lose him?....i have tried talkin to him about it and then we just get in a fight and he says i keep saying the same thing and that he loves me and i should stop thinking like thatif i tell him that i feel, he takes it the wrong way and says its because i don't love him any more but i do.how could i make my parents to try to understand me?i really don't care if they are right this is my life and i want to live it out with him. they judge him with out knowing him and they just don't get it.what can i do!any advice would help i really need it i feel so lost and angry!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (16 February 2008):
 Respect your parents for their taking care of and protecting you. You look at it as interferance. There are so many children that wish their parents would interfere even a part of what your parents are doing. They love you and all though it goes against your intentions, they don't want you getting hurt.
Do you understand that at your age comes a certain level of still needing to grow up. That's where your insecurities comes from, also your rebellion with your dad, and your "i need him" attitude. Why do you feel as if he's a need in your life? How happy are you where you live?
When we say need, we can live without and do fine, and the need is often a superficial one. We say "need" when there is something in our life that is lacking, or off balance. We use others, not meaning too, as a way to fill that void
I want you to consider your future. Before this relationship, what were your dreams. What do you want to be when you grow up? The reason you need to think about these things. Lets say this relationship doesn't work out. Do you want to loose sight of your goals and dreams and end up not having something to fall back on, or continue following on a good path so if something doesn't work in your plan, you'll still be OK.
I know why some girls your age seek out men that are a bit older. I'm not going to rag about that. It's hard being a teen and having teen boys lack maturity. That doesn't mean you should rush into adulthood. I know many people, including myself, if we knew when we were teens what we know now, our decisions would have been different. For example. I'm 36 years old, have a 17 year son and daughters that are 13, 11 and 8. I'm a single parent. Guess when I finished college. It's fairly close to now, yesterday was my last day of my last class. I'm glad I did it, but would be much further in my career if I was serious about completing the first time I went to school in 1991. Take your time in making decisions. Just because you feel these feelings and want to be with him, doesn't take away from the fact that your life is still of great importance, and you need to continue in a positive personal direction.
Take care.
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