A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hey,am well im 36 and my girlfriend is 25.She already a single mother of a boy.she was betrayed in the last relationship and the father wanted nothing to do with her son.She is 10 weeks pregnant,and she knew for a few weeks and was afraid to tell me after the last time .She keeps saying its ok if i don't want it .she will raise it herself ,and shes very insecure about it.I told her i want to be there for the baby,when she told me i admit it took me a minute to respond and she took it as a negative response.She was badly hurt in her last relationship resulting in pain and suffering for a long time,but i think i deserve a bit more respect as in being allowed to be there for our baby and not for her to think of me as someone like her Ex.I love this woman tremendously,but she is very in to herself as in doesn't get out much or keeps things bottled up.How do i get her to see im her for her ,our baby and my stepson.I really need her to understand that im always going to be here and not betray her like her ex didI do plan to marry her and settle down with her,not sure wheater i should propose now or after the pregancy.Im Open to any advice.(People please don't say she cheated she hadnt a relationshiip for 4 years until we met,and isnt that sort of person,thank you )
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (8 July 2011):
 Hi,
I believe you just answer your own question. Just tell her, how you wrote your story here. That you lover her for her, new baby, stepson... And everything else you wrote here ... Tell her ...its perfect...
Pls, don't say, she needs to give you credit. It must have been very difficult and traumatic experience for her. Undertand that it will take time, this is not like a switch that you can turn on and off easily.
Just continue to love her, be patient, be kind to her, don't think as if she's not giving you credit, doesn't trust you, etc. Her behavior has nothing to do with you, its her own issues and hopefully she'll overcome this, but meanwhile just love her and always be supportive.
As for proposal? Ask her now!! Why wait? Tell her that you love her, was planning to do so, but never got the chance and with this wonderful news, you just thought it was a perfect moment to ask her. Or say something that is in your mind and heart. Got to explain to her, otherwise she'll think you're doing this for obligation. You know her well, know how sensitive she's.
Congatulations on your new baby. Hope you all well and in good health. Also, wish you a beautiful, wonderful life together.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (8 July 2011):
 Adding to the above,
Just take her by the hand and look her square in the eye.
Say, "I am new at this, but I am going to be here for you, your son, and our child. I am not going anywhere. Let's figure it out, one day at at time. Ok?"
Extra points for giving her some sort of acknowledgement that you are really happy about this unexpected blessing. Go kiss her tummy and say "HI, it's Daddy and you have a really cool Mum".
It is going to be the daily little things that show you love her and your future family.
Best Wishes.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (7 July 2011):
 Well, what you've got here is one of those moments where you can be a white knight. You can ride in and restore her faith in men by tackling the same issue but in the right way...
the real man's way.
Lead by example. If you want her to open up, then you need to open up. All this stuff you've just said to us... have you actually said to her? I wouldn't propose to her right now as she might think you're just doing it because you feel obliged... but by all means, let her know that you want to someday marry her.
Goodluck aye
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