A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex-boyfriend is behaving differently to the usual, even being irritating with me and I think it's because he wants to get back together.We were kind of in an open relationship for about 1.5yrs and then we dated for about 4 months before I ended things with him because 1. He wasn't really all that serious about us and 2. He lied to me (long story) and I was really hurt. Knowing that I couldn't get past it, I decided to end things and he agreed so it was pretty mutual.That was about 4/5 months ago.Yesterday we got together for a friendly drink and it was pleasant but at the end he kissed me and told me that he missed me and felt like he really messed up. We talked a little and he said he wanted to hang out this weekend. Today when I said I had plans with friends and we could do something during the week instead, he got bitchy and accused me of not caring.I don't see why I should drop things for him or why he feels so entitled to my time, like I should be running back to him. He's an alright person and I don't mind being friends but I ended things for a reason and that hasn't changed.How can I let him down nicely and get my point across?
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female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (19 August 2011):
If you're already broken up, then you shouldn't feel that you have any obligation to him. He's behaving as if you're still in a relationship together and still have obligations to each other, when the fact is that you don't.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2011): Most people, hoping to rekindle any kind of relationship, would have been on their very best behaviour and taken the first declination gracefully. They would not have wanted to jeopardize another opportunity. The fact that this guy acted the way he did shows you exactly what he thinks of you and why he wants to resume contact.
There is nothing to analyze here. The only interest he has in you is what he hopes you'll do for him. Don't delude yourself. He is not your friend. He merely poses as one to get you to lower your guard and grant him other favours.
Cut ties completely. No fuss. No muss. And no contact.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 August 2011):
 Did you already have plans? So when he asked you to meet up you said "I'd love to meet up again, but not this weekend since I already have plans. How about in the week?" Or did you tell him "Sure we'll meet up" and then waited a day or so to tell him you couldn't after all?
If he first assumed you would meet him in the weekend then it will feel like you are standing him up if you call it off last minute. If you didn't say you could meet him in the weekend, but the week, and he still acted the way he did, I would say he is simply disappointed. You hurt him by not wanting to drop things and meet him (maybe he feels like he'd drop everything for you) and then he feels hurt that he's not top priority for you. No matter if he should feel this way or not, it's how he feels.
Let him down easy by not meeting up with him. He's hoping for a reunion, or else he wouldn't have kissed you. If you're not interested in getting back together, don't agree to meet up.
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