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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: How can I learn to love myself? I'm 24, and I have always been on the reserved, shy side... I'm don't mnd that a lot really, but sometimes I feel lonely because I find it difficult to connect with people. I'm mostly OK with my personality and intelligence, I'm not the smartest obviously, but I feel confident in that.I hate the way I look, however. I won't get into too many details, just that I'm pear shaped, 5'7", 143 lbs. I know it's not too bad, but it's so average. I want to lose 15 lbs, but it's so slow (I work out everyday, and try to eat as healthy as possible without losing my mind). I know that losing weight will improve my shape a bit, but still I'll never have the body I wish I had (naturally skinny with big boobs, which is what most guys like). Back in high school girls used to make a lot of comments on my "thunder thighs" and "huge hips" so I've always hated them. I wish I had skinny thighs and narrow hips, despite how feminine people say wide hips are.I feel so inferior to other women, even strangers. Yesterday I went shopping and I saw so many skinny, tall women with big boobs and I felt so stocky and huge. And flat. To make things worse my face is OK, but not beautiful, and I have thinning hair (at 24! so awful!) which gets tangled so easily. The only good thing is I have clear skin, too dry, but at least no acne. All the women I saw had beautiful faces and gorgeous hair...It's weird though because I feel so ugly, fat and huge, and yet I see other women who are not "ideal" but I feel like I never see ugly women... like the only ugly woman I know is myself. So this is a self esteem issue, but I don't know how to fix it. I just wish I was beautiful, and I'd even give up my intelligence to be beautiful and desired. I guess it's because society values attractiveness so much, and I see how these women get special treatment everywhere, how men like them and respect them so much more... I know I should rise above that, but how?Luckily I'm single so I don't need to burden anyone with my self esteem issues, I don't really feel like I'm ready to date again (my ex also made things worse as he used my insecurities to control me, but he left me so emotionally scarred). I think I need to solve this again andd find peace with who I am before I can be with anyone, which is a relief, because at least I'm not trying to fix this by getting into a relationship too soon.What can I do?
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male
reader, Joe-Vancouver  +, writes (25 December 2012):
Christmas Day here and the greatest gift we can give each other is acceptance. You are lovable just the way you are, quit looking so hard for imperfections that no one else would see.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2012): Honey Im so sorry to hear you feel that way about yourself. And Im sure you are gorgeous, I just wish you would see it as well. But I have been there as well, I used to hate the way I looked and thought I was so ugly, and all the guys always seemed to notice my friends but never me. I felt soo bad about myself, even my ex boyfriend's friend used to say that I am not pretty enough for him. Oh god that hurt me. But I got over all that, and today I can say that I love myself. It did take time, and now I am 26, but now I finally feel beautiful. It didn't happen over night, but I did learn to love myself. It is important to take care of yourself, exercise and eating healthy is always a good thing, wearing nice clothes, putting on a little makeup.. It can help a bit but it's not everything . I can't tell you what it was exactly that made me change how I felt about myself, but once I strated thinking more positively about everything, being as nice as I could to other people, giving so much love to people around me, things just changed..Maybe it sounds weird, but it really did help me (and no i was not a bad person before, just too insicure and little negative). I met this woman, who I thought was the most amazing woman I had ever met, and she was like an angel and I thought I want to be like her..Just wanted to make this world a better place as well, and after that little by little I started loving myself more..Don't concentrate on the flaws you see, concentrate on the good thing you see in yourself. We all have flaws and they just make us more interesting! You are beautiful i promise that, but it's so important that you see it yourself! List all the things you like about in your appearance and emphasize those features. And by the way, Im flat chested as well, but the guys I've been with, say that they like my boobs soo much more than big ones, so be proud of your small boobs as well! :)
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