A
female
age
,
*pplecider
writes:Hi, strange as it may seem, Im after some help for my teenage son. To cut a long story short, hes known a girl for just over a year, they got engaged, broke up, engagement off, got back together, then lost a baby, broke up, got back together. this has been going on for the most part of their relationship. She agreed to buy a house with him then pulled out leaving him in debt. He sensibly then finally finished it, but says he cant live with her but cant imagine never seeing her again. I dont know what to do to advise him having had a disastrous time with partners myself, so I am not a good person to give advice to him. Its so sad to see a nearly 20 year old man crying infront of his mum because he misses her so much. I personally think shes trouble and has treated him badly but you cant help who you fall in love with, can you.Whats hurting him the most, is the thought of her being with someone else. Each time they get back together, he then gets bored with her again and then when theyre apart hes pining for the routine of being with her.Any advice would be greatly appreciated..
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female
reader, natasia +, writes (14 June 2009):
 It's difficult to see your son crying and needing someone, but I think that as a mother (as the adult most there to help him cope with things), I feel you should explain and then reinforce again and again that she is not the only girl in the world.
It sounds like it isn't a great relationship, because if it was, they wouldn't keep splitting up. You need to look at this with him. Also DON'T say 'oh but I don't know because i'm a disaster at relationships ' - because then what you advise won't seem credible. No, you need to say 'and I know what I'm talking about because I've been through it - i want you to benefit from my experience, and not make the same mistakes as me'.
However, if it is all great but he just gets bored with her, then maybe he needs to think about what he wants .... maybe not her.
It's very easy to get attached, and very hard to get unattached. You, with him, need to first decide whether she's the right person to be with, and then, if, as i suspect, she isn't, then he needs to get over it and move on. It only hurts so long as you let it - tell him that.
good luck!
nx
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