A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello!I have a beautiful girlfriend who lives 200 odd miles away, and, with that said, we only get to see each other every 2-3 months. While I feel incredibly lucky to have her, she has some rather serious intimacy and self esteem issues. She will cuddle up to me on the sofa and will put her head on my shoulder and will initiate some little kisses, although when we're cuddling in a standing position, she'll just sort of stand there while I stroke her back or her hair. I'm inexperienced with the opposite, so perhaps lots of women are actually like this? As for kissing, we only started kissing recently, but we only share a little peck on the lips. I know it's a start, but I would be lying to say that I'm not frustrated due to her issues, as well as the fact that we live so far apart. I love her and care about her so much, so I'll wait for as long as it takes, but is there anything I can do to help her without making her feel as if I am pressuring her? We have known each other for almost two years now and have spent three full weeks together in person, with another fortnight coming up in the two months or so.Any help that anyone could give me would be much appreciated.
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kissing, self esteem Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2013): Thanks for your response Daisy_Daisy. To answer your question, my girlfriend thinks she's ugly; she has issues with her skin, and she's questioned me as to why I'm attracted to her. But to me she's the cutest and most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and I mean that inside and out. Every opportunity I get I tell her that, and sometimes I worry that I say it so much that it will begin to sound insincere, but I'm over the moon that I am the person who is able to tell her these very truthful things, and I'm hoping that such compliments will help break her barriers down. Thank you for your kind words.
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (16 September 2013):
 Why does she hate herself? What are these serious issues with self esteem that you mention? Have you talked to her about these things? These are not things to be brushed under the carpet - they are at the root of her keeping her distance (geographically, physically, probably emotionally) in relationships.
That doesn't answer your question, though. I suppose you have to continue to get to spend real time together, get together as much as possible, let her get to really trust you. It'll take quite sometime with you seeing one another as infrequently as you do, though. Just pecks on the lips after a year together .. yes she does have serious intimacy issues. Hats off to you if you have the patience to deal with this.
All the very best. Enjoy your next weekend with her, maybe set aside time for a talk about what you've posted here.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2013): We've known each other for almost two years but have been a couple for close to a year. I know this isn't long, as we've only been together in the flesh for three weeks and two days. To my knowledge nothing has happened to her in the past to cause her intimacy issues, and I think it's just because she hates herself.
Circumstances have brought us together, and, despite the distance, I just wouldn't want to be with anyone else.
Thanks for those who have answered so far.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2013): How long have you been seeing her? More than 3 weeks?
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (15 September 2013):
 3 weeks is not very long to have spent with someone so I'm not surprised she is taking things slowly. What do you feel you get out of this relationship that you couldn't get from someone who lives nearer to you?
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A
female
reader, :)31215 +, writes (15 September 2013):
 Hi,
With intimacy issues, you've only really known each other for 3 weeks.
Was she hurt in the past and this is what has caused the intimacy issues? If so, it will probably take a while for her to get over them.
I don't have any ideas for you to help her without pressuring her as patience is probably he best for this situation.
Hopefully some other Aunts/Uncles will have some more experience & ideas.
x
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