A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:how do u deal with ur best firned who is extremely upset a lot of the time and is getting angry and flipping out at people when they annoy her very easily. Especially when they are doing it to you even though they have said they don't mean to they can't help it. Obviously its because shes upset but how can i help her when shes like this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (12 March 2007):
 Hello again, I just read the reason for her anger. She just lost a family member. That explains it then.... she's taking her anger for their loss out on everyone else as a way of dealing with her pain. She hasn't been able to grieve properly, she has so much pain inside of her and venting off at other people is a form of release for her... releasing all that build up grief.
My advice would be to take your friend to go and see a grief counsellor, (if you don't feel able to talk to her about it by yourself.) They will help her come to terms with her loss and help her move on. Unless she talks to someone about this it will NOT go away and could in fact escalate so she does need to TALK or open up in some way to someone.
Eve
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (12 March 2007):
There's a reason for her anger and if you sit with her and probe deep enough then you'll find it. It may be something that's happening at home that is causing her anger to swell. It may be that she doesn't feel good about herself in some way, maybe she feels she has no confidence, doesn't like how she looks. There IS a reason and you need to find out what the reason is before you can help her deal with her anger so talk to her about it, she WILL tell you if you feel her out.
When asked she might say nothing, she's fine but don't take that, what she's really saying is "if you're really interested you'll probe some more" so DO THAT! Tell you know something is bothering her, is it to do with something that's happened in her past, at home, at work/school? Is it something you don't like about yourself? She'll eventually tell you, I'm sure of it and only then will you be able to help her deal with it.
Eve
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2007): Ok, your friend lost someone important to her suddenly and without warning....she is experiencing all kinds of confusing emotions, anger, sadness, but mostly grief.
Grieving is actually a process with several stages, they are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. A person who is grieving will go through these stages and sometimes experience more than one stage at a time, or go back and forth or even get stuck in one of these stages for a long while. This is completely normal and necessary for your friend to feel the pain of her loss so that she can finally come to accepting it and gain a sense of peace.
The thing you can do to help her, is to not judge or criticize her for acting out with her anger, just try to be there as a friend, and let her go through her grief, let her talk to you about it, that always helps, if you find this too hard for you to do, then suggest she go see a grief counselor. Death and loss is particularly hard for young people, and she may really need to go to a counselor so she can process her feelings.....I would tell you to suggest it to her, and tell her you are so sorry she is in so much pain, but that she must really have loved this person, and ask her to tell you a story about them when they were living so she can remember what she loved about them..
This is a tough one to go through.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2007): Well the reason why she is angry is beacuse she is grieving over her family member who died suddenly.So I think the shock of it all and the bereavement is more than likely the reason for her lashing out. I know when I lost a loved one suddenly I put my boyfriend through hell and back but was lucky that he stood by me at the time. All you can do is be there for her and as time goes by things will get easier. As hard as it is for you at the moment you supporting her will be appreciated in the future.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2007): hi i don't have an account so it won't say but i'm the writer of this question the reason she gets angry is because she just lost a family member through a sudden accident but since this she can't control the way she reacts. She gets upset over the slightest thing n says it helps to get angry. (people at school wind her up alot and tease her-one reason being becuase she gets upset alot)
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (11 March 2007):
 You can talk to her and ask her what the payoff is for being angry. People who are easily angered usually don't have many friends. Tell her that if that's her goal, to be friendless, then she's well on her way. People have choices in life. She chooses to be angry. Find out why and you'll have your solution.
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A
female
reader, rhosyn +, writes (11 March 2007):
Your friend sounds like she needs more help than you can give her, only she can control her temper and if she doesn't know why she is getting angry she should seek help, maybe you could support her to get some help. She should go to the GP as there could be a medical reason for this if there's not then the GP would refer her to some anger management classes that should help her. don't give up on her but don't deal with this by yourself.
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