A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so my girlfriend is very needy and possessive. We've been dating for 6 months now, and we're both 15. Over the last few months, it's been getting worse and worse. She LITERALLY expects me to hang out with her every second of my spare time, right after school, until she has to go home. It's starting to get to me, I mean A) I have other friends and B) I need some time to myself! Whenever I tell her that I don't want to hang out (even for just ONE day) she'll start saying things like "You don't love me anymore." or "You're sick of me I knew it!" (Yes.. she has very low self - esteem and is very dependent on me). So, what can I do.. how can I ask for some 'me' time without hurting her? By the way, she takes EVERYTHING way too personally. An example that happened yesterday. I told her I might go on a New York school trip and I'll be gone for 4 days. Her first words after I told her this "You're just going to get away from me." And she meant it.. so I need to handle this VERY delicately. Help? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2009): I don't think there is any delicate way to deal with this-and you shouldn't have to be so careful with her. You should tell her that when she says those things to keep you close (and I'm only guessing that is her motive), they are actually pushing you away. Tell her that you do want to stay with her, but you won't be able to if it continues. Tell her if you spend some time apart, that you will be even more excited to see her the next day. If she can't handle that, then there's not any point in staying in a relationship where you have to walk on eggshells all the time and never get to see your friends.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUm, Yeah I guess I'm lucky, but just think how annoying it would be. It's to the point where we argue DAILY now, and I'm almost to the point of resenting her because every other sentence out of her lips is "You don't love me anymore" or "you're getting sick of me" ooor "you make me feel like ----" etc. Everything I say with her has to be as delicate as a feather or she explodes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009): Hmmm, just tell her you need some time to be, with yourself, shell get over it. but nonetheless, your pretty lucky to have a girl like that.
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A
female
reader, Dazed~Confused +, writes (27 November 2009):
 That is a tough one.
Maybe you should tell her that if you didn't care for her so much, you would have walked away long ago. However, you do care, and for that reason you still want to be with her. However, she needs to realize that part of you being together as a successful couple is the ability to have time to yourselves and follow outside interests.
Maybe if you word it that way, she will be more receptive b/c you are basically saying that I love you so much I have been putting my needs aside.
If she has any respect for you, hearing you say it that way will make her want to meet you half way. If not, maybe you should consider some distance. If she is depending on you to make her happy this relationship will ultimately fail. She needs to be with friends and doing things that will make her happy as well. She can't just lean on you.
Good luck!
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