A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need to confront an acquaintance who I know very well about a rumor she told a close friend of mine.Basically, she told him I slept with someone I have not, at a time when I was in a long term relationship (I do not cheat on my partners). I doubt she made it up herself, but I need to find out who told her, and get her to tell everyone she told that it is not true.Any advice?My plan is to just call her calmly and ask her why she thinks I slept with this person, tell that I did not do so, and find out who started this rumor. Is that fair? Should I call her or email her about this? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone,
Thank you for your replies!
I agree calling her is probably best, and then just letting it go.
The girl who may have spread the rumor meets me for coffee or drinks about once a week. Often it's with a group of friends who I'm closer to, so I think it would be unfair to bring it up then, and uncomfortable to meet her before I talk to her about it.
To complicate matters, it is her ex-boyfriend who told me she said this, so I really want to tread carefully in case he is wrong and she did not say or think this (I'd hate to start a rumor!). I doubt he is being malicious, but there is a chance he misheard/mis-remembers.
A
female
reader, Dazed~Confused +, writes (28 November 2009):
 Chances are you are never going to find out who started to rumour. And I doubt you want to spend the time calling every person who was told about this. One it is time consuming, and two, ppl are going to think that you are desperate or something. Plus, ppl are often reluctant to divulge the source of their info.
What you can do is call (I say call b/c subtle nuances are often lost in email) this girl and tell her that you heard from so-and-so that she had told them something untrue about you. Tell her 1) It is untrue. 2) You would appreciate it if you she would stop telling ppl this b/c it is upsetting to you to have yourself portrayed in a negative light.
After that, let it go. The bigger the stink you make about it, the more likely ppl are to talk about it and to believe it. And the more ppl talk, the more embellished the story will become....If you ignore it, it will fade away. Your good friends will not believe it if they know anything about you, and I can guarantee that they will stick up for you if it comes up.
Like I said, your best bet is to just talk to that one girl, and then ignore it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009): As long as you stay calm, I don't see any problem in calling the person. However, as long as you know the truth, why does it matter what people gossip about? If this rumor is damaging to a current relationship I can see your need to get to the bottom of it. If it's just petty gossip spread by bored people, let it go.
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