A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating this guy for a few months--he is WONDERFUL. I mean I don't even have to ask for anything, he just does it. He's like a prince charming. Everyone in my family loves him and so do my friends. There is only one problem....I don't think I feel the same way!! I think he is wonderful but I think it may be more of a friendship. However, I am wondering if I feel this way because I still have feelings for my ex. There is no more physical contact just an emotional attachment that I cannot seem to get rid of. Will it just take more time? I don't want to let this great guy go because of this or break his heart if maybe he really is not the one for me. Maybe I moved too quickly after breaking up and didn't give my heart enough time to heal. I'm not sure. What can I do to let this feeling go?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008):
Sounds like you got tired of being walked on by a bad-boy, rebounded too far the other direction with a total nice-guy, and now you're getting bored with the rebounder.
You probably need something in the middle.
A
male
reader, no_issues  +, writes (1 July 2008):
 Throughout the ages people have found many ways to get over the chemical attachments to exes that have formed in their brains. These invariably take the form of other chemicals. For example:
smack: there is nothing like heroin to obliterate your feelings about an ex... along with your feelings for anything else, including everyone and everything else you love, as well as any concern for your own basic survival.
booze: drinking alcohol until you can't remember your ex's name is a time-honored tradition, effective because of the numbing effect that alcohol has on your brain while it resets its chemistry (and your liver turns into something with the consistency and metabolic utility of a cinder block).
oxytocin (not to be confused with oxycontin, for which see "smack," above): the purely chemical rush of orgasm with someone else is known to supplant the pathways of need that are left over after a breakup, but present an interesting conundrum -- how to avoid becoming equally attached to the new person? -- typically resolved by having as much meaningless anonymous sex with as many people as possible in sequence.
endorphins: whether from exercise, music, crowds of people, sunshine, chocolate, or masturbation (or some combination of any or all of those at once), endorphins and their analogs are relatively low-powered compared to other options, but also involve less vomit and drool, and fewer awkward questions from doctors.
So you have a wide variety of options. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, guillaume  +, writes (30 June 2008):
 Hi,
From what I see here, you are on the rebound. Your bf is the casualty here really as he is probably falling in love with you but probably hasn't realised that you are not quite into him. You need time and space to heal I'm afraid and you really shouldn't bring emotional baggage into a relationship. It's best to be honest with your bf and tell him sooner rather than later. Take time out and look after yourself and heal. best wishes, G xx
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (30 June 2008):
 I am with Chi on this one. I would also talk to your current Mr. Maybe about the situation. I would not say I was emotionally attached, but just that sometimes you think or remember stuff about him. Either that or take a break from the relationship. You need to heal, and Mr. Maybe might be able to stick with you through it but I would try to be "somewhat" honest about it out of respect for him and your current relationship.
If he decides to leave, you need to let him go. If he decides to stay then he will be able to help you through it and it will make your relationship stronger. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (30 June 2008):
 Please, let this wonderful guy go if you don't really love him. Give him a chance to find love while he is young. If you still have feelings for your ex, then your current boyfriend is a rebound, and it will hurt him worse if you hang onto him for no reason. I know you don't want to hurt him, but letting him go now won't hurt as bad. Take a break from relationships untill you no longer have an attachment to your ex. Distract yourself, do someting productive that will be beneficial to you. It will help rebuild your self confidence which in turn will raise your standards in men, and have appreciation for wonderful guys.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): hmmm... lets see to me it just seems like you rushed into this realtionship you have now and didn't let yourself heal before haivng a new person in your life . Ask yourself this. Why did you break up with your ex in the first place??? was he a good bf???? Is he worth giving up this other great guy that you and everyone aorund you likes??? IS your ex half the prince your current bf is ??? you really need to think aout whats best for you . I know you don't want to break your bf's heart but if you don't have those feelings for him then you need to break it off with him . The longer you keep it going the more urt he'll be if you really don't like himBut if you do like him and still want to go out with him then just try and forget about your ex. you may still have feelings for him but try and ignore them*~VG~*
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (30 June 2008):
 Sometimes we have to go through a process called "falling OUT of love" after a breakup. If you're still thinking about your ex all the time and can't let thoughts of him get out of your mind, that's what you need to do.
Probably the best way to do this is through behavior modification. It's a bunch of psychological tricks that you can use in your own mind to break a persistent connection to your former lover. If you think this might be what you need, look for books on "how to fall out of love" or "how to break your addiction to a person" and you'll get solid step-by-step instructions on how to do that. It is fairly quick (if not entirely painless ... letting go never is), so hang on to "Mr. Maybe-Right" while you do a quick study and if that IS what you need you can be over your ex and get on with your life.
Good luck.
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