A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi!! Well I'm 19 years old, I'll be 20 in few months, and my bf of 2 years is 22 and we both attend to the same college. My mother has always been overprotective, and she's very strict with permissions. Maybe you'd say I'm old enough to decide what to do, but as I'm only a student, I live with my family and I can't get a job (it would interfere with my studies), I just have to accept what she tells me and if she doesn't say "yes, you can go to the movies with your friends", I can't go (for example). I feel it's not fair to do whatever I want being so dependent. But I also think it's not fair to be treated like a 12 year old. This week I have an assignment at uni, I know I will be finishing late and I live very far from college (2 to 3 hours away). My bf who lives 15 minutes away from college, offered me to stay at his house and leave the next morning, during daytime and awake (as I would be tired and sleepy if I go straight to my house that late). We have already had sex, so he doesn't want me to stay just to have sex with me. Also, he lives with his father, he would be picking us up at uni and we would sleep on different beds. (I would prefer sleeping with my bf, but it's his fathers house and I respect his rules about not sleeping together).The thing is my mother won't let me, and she can't tell me why (the typical "you can't because I say so"). She has never let me stay with my boyfriend before, or even with friends. And I seriously can't see what's wrong. So I'm here to ask you, why us she being so unreasonable about this?? Is there anything wrong with staying with a boyfriend??I'm a good student, I don't smoke/drink/do drugs/lie/etc and I'm in a stable relationship. I understand that sometimes I can be a little immature, but she can't expect me to have the same experience she has, especially if she keeps me living in a bubble. How can I get my mom to allow me to stay with my bf in his house??
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female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (2 March 2013):
 Some mothers are very conservative,traditional and orthodox..they usually just hand over their decisions to you rather than discussing your options..so here's what you can do either1)You talk to your mom tell her,I think I'm old enough to make my decisions,but I would really like it if I had your support..try and make her see your point of view2)You would have to take a firm step move out of the house but after this you will be responsible for your life,god forbid anything happens you can't blame anyone but urself!so as adults you should be ready for that you can't go back crying to your mom!3)Or you can slow down this procedure of moving out,by telling your mother your decision giving her sometime to digest the news and let her know irrespective your moving out and you want to be a responsible daughter so ur letting her know what your doing..Good luck OP x
A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (2 March 2013):
When you support yourself, you can do anything you want. When others support you, you have to do as they say. The cost of freedom....
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (2 March 2013):
 hi there.
the only sure way that you'll get to do what you want when you want: move out and support yourself.
i know you say it's not feasible right now, and it might not be. but honestly, that's the only way to get your mother off your back. so it sounds to me like until you can finish school and be on your own, you're unfortunately stuck dealing with her rules.
do i personally think she's being unfair? yeah, kinda. i mean, the dad will be there and you're both adults. but i take on a more liberal parenting style, so my opinion is very different than hers. there's not a whole lot you can do about this except realize that as long as you're living under her roof and she's paying your bills, you're stuck living with her rules. and rightfully so. so i suggest either hurrying up and finishing school and moving out, or buckling down and just finding a way to deal with it. there's not much other choice. good luck to you!
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