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female
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anonymous
writes: my boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years and everything has been fun. lately he hasn't been really into having sex and he seems distant.. we had a fight the other day and he said he just wants everything to be like it was when we first met. he ALSO wont tell me he is IN love with me. but he'll say he loves me. HE said he used to be IN love but not so much anymore.....how do i get the flame back and what can i do to make things better fast? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Green_Eyes +, writes (16 September 2006):
 The problem sometimes with long-term relationships is that they get more comfortable and less thrilling - the 'honeymoon' period is never going to last forever.
You do need to discuss this with your boyf, as it's really not fair on you that he's speaking this way. He's not letting you into what's bothering him and consequently,you're blaming yourself.
Love can be difficult to perceive. After 3 years, he won't get the same feelings as he did at first - nobody does. It's not a bad thing though, because those early feelings of nervousness and excitedness are replaced by feelings of a much deeper kind of love. And everybody argues once in a while - it'd be unhealthy not to get your feelings off your chest!
There's plenty you can do to revive a 'spark' - go away for the weekend with just each other to concentrate on - remember why you are together. Little gestures can also go a long way - something from the heart that means something to both of you.
I really hope you can get this sorted - it sounds to me that you're going through one of the 'rough patches' that we all experience.
All the Best. Xx
A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (15 September 2006):
 Well obviously something is playing on his mind and first things first you need to get that out of him; you need to talk about what is happening in the relationship and find the source of this problem. What has caused him to stop thinking he is in love with you?? That is the question that you need answered.
When you have got to the heart of that then hopefully you will be able to proceed to rekindle the flame...
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