A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I once broke up - no one cheated or became cold..we just got too involved and kept arguing or getting hurt by trivial things.We were broken up for about two months and then somehow started dating again realizing that we do care for each other but just were too immature to handle the intense emotions. So now we are back together and everything is so much better than before.But there is one thing that sometimes makes me depressed. He slept with one of his exes when we were broken up. I know that since we were not together at that time, he did not technically cheat on me, and he also told me that it was stupid of him to do that. He said that his ex one day called him to get back together when he was lonely and hurt because of our breakup, and so things just happened. My reason is telling me that I should not be bothered by this because we are getting along better now that we learned something through the breakup -- we are eager to work things out and fully committed. But at the same time, I get depressed and sad because of his sleeping with his ex. Can somebody please let me know how to be positive and forget about this?
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male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (2 June 2009):
 Well I would have to say that since you learned that you want to be together, that you should concentrate on that. That is about as positive a thing as you can hope for when you get back together...that is the best result isnt it?
I understand that this depresses you. It certainly would me. But be reinforced with the knowledge that he told you, rather than have some low drama come later. BUT:
Actions always speak louder than words, so the only way you can really feel better is if he proves to you day in and day out, that this was meant to be.
relationships should always be works in progress for that is the only way they can continue to grow. just make sure you both do the little things, and in time, if it works out, the sting of this will be far lesser.
A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (2 June 2009):
 Hey, You are absolutely right, this happened when you were not together..so he was not cheating.Sometimes when emotions are running high after a break up and the lonliness and heart break consume us, things like this happen...it is a comfort of a body more than anything else. I am sure it meant nothing to him at all.Fact is, you guys believe your relationship is worthy of a second chance and I don't think he will mess it up. You need to find a way to get past his sleeping with his ex, if you continue to harp on it in your mind, you won't be able to give your special relationship the full attention. You love each other ....focus on that...what happened with his ex is over....you both are in this together..make it work...and forget the past.Hope this helpsAna
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