A
female
age
36-40,
*oveyDoveyBear
writes:My boyfriend broke up with me because of my insecurities that got the best of me. We've been together before 5 years ago for 1.5 yrs and broke up because he tried to be with another girl while we were together and talking to an ex gf behind my back. We got back together for almost a year now and I had a hard time trusting him because of those things I know it's the past but I tried to let it go and things seemed fine for awhile then his ex gf tried to break us up by sending texts and phone calls telling him that he doesn't need me and tried to create scenario that they met up one night without me knowing, I know he was working but my insecurities still got to me thinking 'what if it was true' we almost broke up after that fight and let's just say my insecurities all led to pushing him away. What can I do to fix this I know I have to force myself off my insecurities, I know there has to be trust to work. He still talks to me if I call him. I know it's entirely up to him if he wants to come back, but what can I do, should I just not contact him for awhile to let him cool off of his frustrations and try talking to him again later? Sometimes he told me he doesn't want to do this anymore and sometimes he just says he doesn't know or that I should have thought of this earlier to stop my insecurities and I have but it was hard to control. He said he still loves me and I love him too, I just hate myself so much because of my stupid insecurities. What can I do for him to come back to me, I don't feel that it is the end of us maybe im just in shock or denial, but what can I really do, I really love him and I don't want him out of my life...please help I can't eat or sleep
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female
reader, incendia1990 +, writes (23 April 2012):
 This guys is worthless. YOU did nothing wrong! Nothing! If it were me, I would have thrown his shit out on the street! How dare he put you through that. Ok, calming down...
Listen, I want you to really really think on and accept what I am about to tell you.
1) You are a wonderful, beautiful person, regardless of any mistakes or past that makes you believe otherwise! Be confident and think about the crap he put you through. You deserve better! You do.
2) Let him go. My best friend has taught me that the more trash you say no to, the better the men that come along. This guy has snuck around, gotten pissed off at you for not trusting him, rather than doing the right thing and EARNING your trust back. You deserve better! Someone who will hold you tight, spend all the time with you that he can and make you feel, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that he loves you and that you have each other, not you, him, and some vindictive, and that girl and that girl, and...
3) Remember, the true and essential meaning of real love is caring about how someone feels. He may say he loves you but he certainly isn't showing it at all. I do hope you have love for yourself because in a good relationship, being with that person should not mean saying 'no' to yourself, your heart or your gut feelings (which, if you have bad gut feelings, like you are indicating here, ALWAYS listen to them; something I learned the hard way). Putting your needs first doesn't mean your selfish, it means taking care of you so that you are able to recognize what kind of person you want to be with and can support them while they offer support to you too. Does that make sense? You are supposed to be your strongest ally and your ally right now, from what you wrote, is telling you that this guy should NOT be in your life.
I really, really feel for you considering I have been there myself, which is why I probably sound so 'loud' in my reply but I feel that if you realize what I have realized, you are in for a very bright future!!!! :) -hands you sunglasses- :P I really want you to be happy and this guy is not going to help you get there; he will only weigh you down. So my advice is to kick him to the curb and leave him in the dust! :D
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (23 April 2012):
 You didn't break up because of your insecurities, you broke up because he's untrustworthy. Whether he is actually cheating or not, he lies and sneaks around with his ex-gf. I'm really sorry he's been able to convince you that this is YOUR problem when he is the one who was originally sneaking around. If it wasn't true that they met up, after what had originally happened, a decent guy would have stuck around to reassure you, not broken up with you. This guy was manipulating you. In making you think you were behaving badly, he didn't have to explain himself.
You get over your insecurities by finding a guy who actually is worthy of trusting and know that sometimes being suspicious is warranted. Don't let this guy tear you down, find someone new who isn't so manipulative.
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