| A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: my father doesn't accept me as a grown up person who is able to make money by doing a job and working hard. He would accept me only if i was a businessmen. Because of this i kind of hate myself for being just an average worker who slogs out to earn money for himself and his family and cannot become as rich as some of the business people around in my family. I even hate working for money as my parents do not acknowledge the same, though i know that it is important thing for survival. I have started blaming the entire patriarchal system for promoting this hatred. Please advice on how do i learn to love myself for what i am rather than feeling regrets about not being able to be what others expected me to be.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (22 May 2007):
 Dude, please take care of yourself. You have been emotional beaten up. Firstly move as far away from them as possible. Limit contact with them, and find your own sense of happiness. Really. It is not until you pull yourself out of that environment that you realise you are not the one with the problems here.
-FBK
A
female
reader, misszulu  +, writes (21 May 2007):
 Hi there. This is a very good question: how do we please our parents? They sometimes show affection sometimes not, and in all cases they are never satisfied. I might be a bit harsh on parents but truth is they would like you to be either a copy of them or a better copy of them. The more you love them, the less you want to disappoint them.
I think the most difficult thing you will have to do in order to have a better self-esteem is to admit to yourself that they are wrong. You already know they are. You cannot on the one hand think they are wrong and live the way you want and on the other hand feel bad about it all the time. I know, easier said than done. To have a better self-esteem, you have to realise that you are a good son and a good person in general. The simple fact that you post a question here shows how much you care. They may be demanding but if you were a golden boy, they would like you to change something else, you would have to sacrifice yet another part of your personality. Is that clear? Hope it is. I simply mean that you need to start comparing yourslef to yourself only. See what you have achieved so far, how you got a job for yourself and how independent you are. See the type of life you are starting to build for yourself and how you are working at making it look more and more like the picture you have in mind. These are achievements to be proud of. You have made this choice to be different from the rest of your family, this is who you are, make it your pride. You are still a member of this family, and you will still be a loving son as long as you respect them and remain independent.
Good luck with your life, you are a great guy!
(sorry for long answer) xxx
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A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (21 May 2007):
 Parents always have high expectations for their offspring. A lot of times, these demands may seem impossible. The best thing for you to do is not worry about what they want. You are your own person, and you're going to make your own choices. If they choose not to support you, then they're missing out on your life. Sometimes that's the way it has to be. What's important is that you can support yourself. As long as you're supporting yourself, and keeping a steady job, you should be proud of yourself. It's up to you to decide when or if you need a change of pace in your life. It's your life, and only you can choose it's direction.
DV1
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