A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Sometimes I feel like I am meant to be single forever. Sad I know. I am a single Mother to a 3 year old. I am in my 20's. Don't get me wrong I love being a Mum. My life is all about my daughter. Average day up out to Nursery, I go to work. Come home, activities, dinner, bath,bed. Then Sat I take her out for a great, Sunday Church then to my Parents. I work in a Nursery which is all female staffed. So there isn't any opportunity for me to even meet someone there, all my friends and family have their own work and family commitments so a babysitter is out of the question. So again not like I can get out to meet anyone, but they ain't going to knock my door either. I don't normally bother. and tell everyone I'm not interested anyway. Which isn't true I'd love to meet someone. Well the rest of the year it doesn't this time it feel it, whether it's at the Church and I'm the only one with a husband or my Daughter's show she doesn't have a father there. Look around me everyone is a couple. Her dad was abusive to me and isn't allowed to see us - court's decision not mine. Two years on I'm ready to move on. Just don't see how. I try to be a good mother,I love musicals, studying religion and debates, anything about the solar system. I help out at the church as much as I can. Try to make myself look attractive. Just feel I'm destined for the shelf. Even though I think I have a lot to offer. I have no chance of meeting anyone and if I did would they even like me.Or is that it? On the shelf?
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (12 December 2015):
I’m glad you realise you have a lot to offer. Okay, so it’s not going to be easy to meet some-one but I think there are things you could do.
First, what about finding some-one who might be willing to meet you for a lunch date? If evenings are problematic, think about during the day. Everyone gets holiday, and failing that, how long does a coffee take? The right man for you is going to have to be some-one who accepts that your responsibility for your daughter means you’re not going to be the most available and care-free partner, but will be prepared to meet you whenever possible. Calls and messaging will do in the meantime between meetings. He might be a parent himself, or he might just be some-one empathetic enough to put you first and some-one who doesn’t need to be number one. Then, of course, you’ve got the problem of actually meeting people and I thoroughly recommend that you consider online dating here. For one thing, it’s convenient. Second, anyone unwilling or unprepared to date some-one in your circumstances can be filtered out so you don’t expend considerable effort where there’s no way it can work. Third, you can talk and get to know each other and start building something up before you even meet. IF that carries on, physically meeting more often won’t be so imperative.
You said that you’re active in the church. Christian Mingle might be one site you consider if you’d prefer some-one who shares your religious convictions. There are others with a far broader group of users, some free and some paid. Shop around for a good site.
I think you should try and talk to some of your family and friends about the rut you’re in, and how you want to be able to do things for yourself from time to time. Perhaps if they know how you’re feeling, they might be prepared to babysit given enough notice. If you have friends you’d trust with your daughter, what about swapping babysitting? They could look after her and you could return the favour with their kids, so that they can spend time as a couple. Valentine’s Day could be your friend. I understand that you don’t want to (or can’t) put on people on a regular basis, but once in a while? I think it’s worth a try. People can surprise you by how willing they are to help if asked. I do know all this is so much more easily said than done, but I just think you’re going to have to think outside the normal boundaries of dating: it’s usually evening, fairly spontaneous and arises from having met some-one in one social situation or another. That’s just a norm, but if it’s not workable for you, you’re far from condemned to eternal singlehood.
I wish you all the very best.
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