A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for over two years now with a man much older than me. I love him so very much and genuinely love spending time with him. Before meeting him, I was on a very successful path of losing weight and right around our 3 months of dating, I had officially lost 50 pounds. I certainly felt great and have been very proud of my success. I wasn't on a diet or anything--I just decided to intake healthier foods and when I had the time in between classes, I'd go to the gym and work out.Now that it's been two years, I'm finding myself evaluating my food intake and realizing it's become much worse than two years ago. I've been fluctuating 10 pounds and am becoming very frustrated. My boyfriend has never really cared or supported a healthy lifestyle (minus the occasional, "I should have a salad since it's been 3 months since I've had one..." from him)The other day, I looked in our refrigerator and sure enough, everything I've purchased was green and healthy and everything he purchased was very NOT healthy. I confronted him about it and suggested that perhaps he eases off on the junk food because I think it's harming our bodies. He had nothing to say about it and later went to the market and brought back huge bags of candy and potato chips!! I don't think he did it to retaliate to what I said because that is not the nature of our relationship but perhaps because he felt guilty. It hasn't gotten better and I know it's easy to say, "just don't eat what he buys..." or something about me having a choice, but it's just the fact that I don't want the temptation and my grocery bills reflect nothing but healthy foods--so why should my body be punished for this?? Anyway, I'm just hoping someone can help me find a way to talk to him about having a healthier diet. We are in college and get financial aid support, so buying healthy food isn't a problem--it's just he chooses beer and chips. HELP!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 December 2013):
 I've gained a ton of weight since I've been with my husband. He's a lousy eater and his choices do impact on me. but it's MY choice to eat crap.
You have talked to him about it and it's his choice to spend money on junk.
Yes I get that whole if it's not in the house i won't eat it mindset but there is not much you can do when it's his house too.
my husband won't eat fruits or veggies. or drink diet soda so there is not much I can do to change him. Same for you. YOU cannot CHANGE another person only yourself.
For me I know that when I'm SERIOUSLY watching my weight I can say no to my hubby.. even when he tries to put food in my mouth.
Your guy (and mine)knows what a healthy diet is. He makes the choice not to eat it. YOU have talked to him... what good will talking again do?
IF this is for you, then just do it as best you can... and accept you can't change him.
A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (23 December 2013):
 I wouldn't discuss it again. You've already done that. He's aware of your position on this and it hasn't worked thus far.
What you can do is exercise greater discipline yourself in eating only those healthy foods you purchase (an allowing for the occasional indulgence).
I don't know what your schedules are like or what kind of cooking arrangement you've worked out, but when it's your turn to cook, you could prepare something he will enjoy and that is healthy without announcing what you're doing.
Telling him how wonderful it is to eat right while making his life a living hell isn't going to work, for either of you.
You could also introduce some healthy, convenient snacks. If eating chips is easier and tastes just as good, you know what he's going to pick. If he likes vegetables then have some already washed and cut up. He can grab a handful of those with humis or something. That and/or fruit, such as strawberries, blueberries. Does he like pumpkin seeds? Sunflower seeds? Nuts? Low fat cheese?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2013): This conversation with him about healthy food consumption should have been addressed two years ago. You cannot righteously think that he should change his lifestyle because you want to regardless of how important it is. You will just have to discipline yourself. He shouldn't be punished because of your food restrictions. I say divide the refrigerator. You make healthy what you purchase and he eats what he buys. After discussing with him his poor food choices there is nothing more you can do. Do not make a hurricane out of this drizzle. Invite the challenge maintain your focus and stay the course. You will be back looking extravagant in no time. Don't force or subject your partner to things that they are not interested in.
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