| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: my dad's going to die within the next year...i don't think i can cope anymore. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, RPS  +, writes (2 September 2008):
Hi,
I lost my Dad last year. I know he has been ill for years, but regardless of how much you prepare yourself, you can never be ready for something like this.
I dont have much thing to say to you. The only thing I can suggest is, spend as much time as you can with him, and always make him happy. Regardless how hard it is always show a happy face whenever you are around him.
Believe me, when you make someone that you love so dearly happy, in return, you will feel happy too.
God Bless
A
female
reader, molly4  +, writes (27 July 2008):
 Thats horrible that you have to deal with that at your age. MAke a point to spend alot of time with him, and just appreicate every moment you have with him. maybe use a video camera and take some videos that you can look back on later in life. MAybe you should get a therapist. I am so sorry that you have to go through this, it must b3e very hard and it sound slike you need some extra support. xoxo
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2008): HiI am so sorry that you are loosing your dad and i understand that you must feel tremendous pain. One way that may help your dad feel a little better is to let him know that you will be okay when the time comes for him to leave, and you will carry on with your life and have fun with freinds, because your dad would not want to think you were unhappy and could not cope when he is not around. You will find inner stregnth as time goes on and you will remember your dad and make him very proud of you. I hope you believe that God will take care of your dad and will always guide you through your life. When you miss your dad why not do the journal as Baby duck suggests, this will help looking at memories that you can treasure.
...............................
A
male
reader, saltwater  +, writes (26 July 2008):
 Hello there,
My father died when I was young and, well, the truth is that the fact you know that he is going to die at least takes away the "shock" factor of it....what you need to do now is prepare for it.
As people are rightly pointing out; losing a parent is never easy. Whether you are young or old, it is never an easy experience, though particularly when you are young the experience can be more pronounced.
But that doesn't mean that you won't be able to cope.
O Connor and baby duck are both right, you need to spend as much time with him as you can. You don't say how ill he is, but if you can do recreational activites then do.
If not, watching TV, films, sharing photos are all things that you can do to spend time together.
From personal experience, I think it is also important that you tell him things that are on your mind. Things that you may have always wanted to say, but were to shy to, or maybe embarrassed about. It can be anything. Life, love, the future; anything.
There is nothing worse than having things on your mind that you wished you had said to someone, but then never got the chance to; now is the time to talk to your dad about these things. That's not to say it has to be "formal" or "serious", it can be light-hearted, fun...the exerience does not have to be sombre. You need to talk to him about any pent-up feelings you may have.
You also need to tell him that you love him and that you will never forget him, you need to re-assure him that you will look after yourself when he is gone. It sounds obvious, but he needs to be re-assured as well. He is no doubt scared, and he needs to be assured that you are going to be fine and that you will come out of this experience stronger. He needs to know that after he is gone that his daughter will hold her head high, and remember her dad not just with a smile on his face, but as a person; as a man.
He won't want you to be sad. He will want you to be strong, he will want you to enjoy the rest of your life whilst remembering the happy times that you both had together.
My thoughts are with you. Take care.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2008): I have lots of empathy with you; I know and I understand; getting news like that is very TRAUMATIC; it is a great SHOCK and yes, you feel as if the world is tumbling;
HOWEVER
I need you to listen very carefully; you WILL COPE and you will survive this;
You must not bottle up your emotions; it is important that you get rid of your feelings; you can talk to us or talk to friends or relatives; you must cry if you feel like it; you need time to come to terms with the shocking news;
I wish I could give you a HUG now;
Try and FOCUS on the time that you still have with your father; don't stare your self blind at a time limit; value and aprreciate every day; I know of patients that have lived much longer then the time frame given by doctors;
Remember, any of us can pass away before your father, life is not in our hands; You need to FOCUS; think about ways that you can really enjoy him and his company; value the time you have with him;
I can sit here and type for the next hour to try and give you advice, but it will not help you right now; you are welcome to contact me anyday or anytime via my private messages;
FOR NOW; just get rid of the feelings: take a pillow and scream, shout cry; let your feelings out;
Your dad will need your support now, more then ever; BUT remember you don;t have to pretend to him; you can tell him that it hurts and how you feel; it is okay for you to cry togehter; When I say you need to be there for him; it means physically as well as emotionally; remember he will also feel the emotionally pain; so allow him to express his feelings;
Oh dear I wish I could be there to help and assist you BUT I promise you my assistance from here as much as possible;
Let us deal with it step by step;
Don't bottle up your emotions; do the pillow exercise if need be;
You are in my thoughts and prayers; you are welcome to contact me;
Best wishes; lots of HUGS and hey, SMILE!
...............................
A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (26 July 2008):
 Oh hunny
You are so young and my heart goes out to you and your family so first may I say Im so sorry to here of your pain, My darling I no how you feel, You think you will not cope because it is heartbreaking and you feel helpless but you are stronger than you think my love..The pain you feel is very natural hunny, You can be there for your dad and do things to make him laugh and smile make him things to brighten his day. Just do anything hunny you can to make this time happy as you can, As hard as it is, Talk with him about your worrys and fears. make time for you as well do things that you enjoy even if you dont feel like it , it will help if you keep busy love.. Sweetheart there is nothing I can say to alter this pain other than to say If you need help as you go through this then I'll be here to chat to if you need THINKING OF YOU WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
...............................
A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (26 July 2008):
 hey sweetheart im so sorry that you and your family are going through this, my thoughts are with you all. you have to remember that right now your dad needs you most, you and all his loved ones. he is probably as scared as you are. right now i know it feels as if you cant cope anymore, but you will, you just need to take every day as it comes. if you think it may help, you could join a talk group that works with ppl who are in your situation or who have been. talking to ppl in similar situation as yourself will help you open up and accept it.
try and spend as much time with your dad now as possible, sit with him, watch movies, go for walks, talk to him, share memories etc. these are the little things that will keep a smile on your dad's face.
remember all the good times that you had with him, and how wonderful he was in your life, cherish that and never forget him. when the time does come, try not to focus on wat you have lost, but wat you gained having him in your life.
i really hope this helps somewhat, please email me if you just wanna chat or anything at all.
love to you, your dad and your brave family xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2008): I am so sorry for your heartache and sadness your family must be having a very difficult time. Please share your feelings. Write a list of people who you can talk to - maybe about different types of feelings and do not feel you are a burden as people will want to help you. Ask if someone can be a special person to listen to you as sometimes you might need to talk to a person who is not living with you all the time. If you think of the end only you will not live for the moment that is 'now' and it is very very important that you treat each day as an individual one and make each one as special as you can. It might help to keep a diary but do not bottle everything up as you will have the feelings you have now of not coping. Please keep posting to this site as you will always receive heartfelt, genuine and supportive replies.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2008): hi im so sorry for you and your family what you must be going frew, i could not begin to imagine what you all must be going frew, my heart really goes out for you all.i think your farther must be very sad about this, but i think it would probably make him feel even worse if he could see that it was hurting you.i know it must extreamly bad but i think that you should make the most of the preciouse time that you have with him.i know it's not much considering what you must be going frew but if you ever need a shoulder to cry on then i will always be here for you if you need some suport. my name is holly dawn.
...............................
|
