A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i am a 22 year old woman who has 3 kids and i am in love with a 36 year old man who has 3 kids of his own but because of the age gap he thinks i am cheating and playing games with him due to the fact we do not live together he is very jealous and worries of what i am doing while i am at home is there anyway to ease his fear of this?
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female
reader, noonespecial2  +, writes (8 August 2009):
Hi there,
He's said that you're cheating and playing games with him because you don't live together, ask him how you play games, what is that you do and say that gives him that impression. When he answers, just listen and thank him for talking to you and being so honest, then reassure him of your love.
I'd also ask him if he has been cheated on in the past. If he has, ask him what happened, how he felt and then reassure him of your faithfulness and what he and your relationship mean to you (give specifics).
When he does show any jealousy, I wouldn't defend yourself or your behaviour, I would just listen to him and confirm what he says - for example, oh, I guess hearing it from your point of view, it would look suspicious to me too, then shoe empathy, give him a hug, thank him for sharing his vulnerabilities with you and tell him what he means to you.
If you do this, over time, you will help him to trust you. I think you know it is his issue yet he needs support with his issue because it is real to him and if you support him this way, you will create such security and trust for him, that the jealousy will fade away.
You could also tell him that you have a value of not treating and that you wouldn't cheat because it is a value of yours and how you wouldn't do this to yourself, not because you wouldn't do it to him. I think this will help too.
When people are jealous, they become irrational, read much more into situations, catastrophize innocent things and accuse you of stuff that's not happening, don't react or take offense, know that it is his issue and respond lovingly. It is tough for them, they have so much fear of losing the one they love, it is a terrible place for them to be in. If you love him, you will accept this and be the one to support him through this. Some people get annoyed and defend themselves if they are wrongly accused, this is a big mistake and only heightens their paranoia, make sure you hear how it is for him and try to understand the space he is in.
You can do it.
I had a similar experience yet my partner hid it from me, behaved strangely and suffered in silence. At least your Man has been upfront and honest and when this is the case, you have something to work with.
Good luck.
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