A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 21 y/o and I have been with john for 5 years we got married 3 mos ago and we have 2 daughters (1yr and almost 2 1/2 y/o) but we had an abusive incident about a year ago he hit me, when i was pregnant he was arrested in jail for 4 days and released, I forgave him about 1 month later....there were no other domestic incidents until a few days ago he punched me in the face, threw me against the wall, in front of our 2 1/2 yr old...he left in a rage...i know this isnt healthy but i do love him, i knowhe is wrong but is there any way to make him get help besides getting him arrested? i do think he can change if he gets help i really need your advice. what do i do?
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (8 June 2009):
 Get out. People don't change. If a man is capable of hitting a woman it is never going to get better.
A
female
reader, bobbles32  +, writes (7 June 2009):
 Do you want to die? Do you want your kids to watch you be beaten? Do you want your kids to know that you are weak? Do you want your kids to grow up without a mom? Do you want your husband to hit your kids?
Do you really think this is okay? My aunt did, and now she's dead.
Your husband is abusive. Leave him. He doesn't deserve you.
If you can logically explain to me why you need to be with a man that does this to you then I'd love to hear it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009): You could see if he is willing to go to anger management courses. If not, the sad news is in most cases the violence gets worse.
Or maybe you could go to self-defence classes...
You need to resolve this or he could get violent with your children and emotionally (and maybe physically) scar them for life.
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A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (7 June 2009):
 This is a subject which is very close to my heart.
I have four older sisters, and three of them have experienced violent partners at some stage of their lives.
I am well aware of how this usually works. When your husband is good, he is very loving, very nice to you, and seems to be perfect. But when he gets mad, he hits you. And you think it is partly your fault, right?
My advice to you is simple.
LEAVE.
I know it's easy for me to say, you have no place to go, and you love John. The trouble is, he will NEVER change. People like that do not. In his mind, you have given him permission to hit you. Basically, because he has hit you and got away with it, he thinks he can do it again. And get away with it again. He will not stop, until he has really really hurt you, because he thinks that no matter what he does, you need him and you will forgive him.
I know you love John, but you need to love yourself and your child more. Is it worth the risk?
I have fought these type of men in courts of law, fought these men with my own fists, fought for my sisters' right to live their lives without fear of being punched and threatened. The situation never changes. Just the names, faces and locations. And the common denominator is this: the men ALWAYS continue to hit.
Legal judgements, restriction orders, and punitive measures never work. Sometimes, they seem to make the man more determined to assert control.
So all I can say is what I have experienced, and hope that you understand a little about your man. I hope he can change and prove me wrong.
The final decision, is yours of course. But we are all here for you.
Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, kittykhaos +, writes (7 June 2009):
 Im sorry you need to leave him even if you do love him i know it sucks but he wont change with you still being there. My x was abusive and i tried everything but its hard to get anyone to listen. You and your kids need to get out of there. If he loves you and you think he will change then he will need to understand that you can't be there until he is better. I hope you are right and i hope he can change but for your own safety and for the safety of your children leave.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009): i think that you shouldnt stay with him no matter how much you love him. If you did it could get wrose and worse and you dont want your daughters to see that while growing up because its a bad infulence. I Know you love him but you need to find someone else to care for because it could just get worse.
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