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How can I can stay close to her, without seeming like I'm trying to steal her?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 November 2008) 1 Answers - (Newest, 8 November 2008)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Well, I've never really ever had a real girl friend. I've just never been able to make that final step in asking a girl out. The only one I've ever had asked me out, but it didn't last very long. Over the past few years, I've gotten close to many girls, but was never able to get the courage of asking them out, and I guess they just got bored and moved on, since they stopped flirting with me as much.

Though recently I met a girl who I think I actually have true feelings for. It feels different then ever before because I could actually see us together in the years to come while before, I never even thought about it. I never have any trouble talking with her, and we seem to flirt and talk everytime we see each other in class and school. I know I like her a lot, and I'm fairly sure that she likes me too. She does things like play with my hair, gets exited whenever she sees me, and asked me one time "Do your parents let you date?", which I took to be a clear sign that she would go out with me.

Now you might be thinking that my problem is that I can't get up the nerve to ask her out, but that's not the case. My problem is that I found out a while back that she does indeed has had a boyfriend for a while (the boyfriend's out of highschool, I'm a senior, she's a junior). This knowledge hit me very, very hard, but we continued to talk and still flirted with each other. A few weeks ago though, she mentioned that her boyfriend might be moving out of state with a sort of sad look on her face, which gave me a hell of a lot of hope.

This week though I decided to take sort of a chance and when me and 3 other schoolmates decided to go out to eat after a school event, I decided to ask her along (which I thought would be a great way to go out with her, without it being a true date). She accepted and we all met at the restuarant, unfortunantly, she brought her boyfriend along. Despite this, it wasn't quite as akward of a night as you'd expect, with the girl I like sitting between me and her boyfriend. The night went well all together, despite the fact that she and her boyfriend snuck in a few kisses and hugs here and there. Her boyfriend seems like he's a nice guy, and I just couldn't see myself ever doing something like sabatoting their relationship.

Anyway, the past few days I've noticed that one of the other girls that was out at the restaurant has started flirting with me quite a bit during school. I'm fairly good friends with her too, but again we met around the beggining of the school year. Though the second girl, from previous knowledge, I know also has a boyfriend. (unless she broke up with him recently which I sort of doubt) It's getting a bit crazy since one of my classes, both of the two girls sit right next to me and flirt with me throughout the entire class.

The second girl I like, but its the kind of like that was how I felt about every other girl before, not anything compared to what I feel for the first girl. My question is what should I do. I mean, right now I'm thinking about just waiting it out for a bit, but I really don't know what to do. I'm thinking of starting a band with the first girl (she's a drummer) so I can stay close to her, without seeming like I'm trying to steal her. But please, I really need some advice.

View related questions: broke up, flirt, has a boyfriend

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (8 November 2008):

Look I'm going to be harsh here. Stop hanging round with other people's girlfriends.

You are obviously not good with women, and too immature to handle their affections in a close friendship.

Go away, find a single girl and ASK HER OUT!!!!

At the moment they think of you as their gay friend, who is safe and uninterested in that way and safe to flirt with.

You can't stay acting like that and then complain about it.

Change!

Good luck!! xx

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