A
female
age
30-35,
*iss.Knowitall
writes:My boyfriends self confidence is 0. He thinks he is fat and ugly. He is not thin, but in my option he is not "fat" either yes he is probably over weight but he has A LOT of muscle . And lately it's actually been frustrating me that no matter how hard I try he doesn't believe that I am somehow attracted to him. We have been going out for well of a year and I am out of ideas. How would you boost his confidence?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 May 2011):
 I don't think you can. I think this is something he needs to get a grip around by himself. You've been with him for over a year, by now he should KNOW you are attracted to him. How else would you manage to be with him if you loathed him? It is actually offensive to you that he complains about himself and he doesn't believe you!I once was in a relationship with a man who was overweight. I too got tired of hearing him complain about it and calling himself ugly. At the same time, he didn't do shit to improve the situation, and made up excuses to say why things weren't as bad as they seemed, fooling himself. Complaining about his weight while eating candy. It did make me upset! It wore me down! I was fed up with trying to boost his confidence and supporting him, comforting him when he felt sad about himself, telling him he was wrong when he called himself ugly and fat and whatnot. So, my advice to you: stop trying to be his comfort blanket. Tell it to him straight "yes you are over weight. If you want to change that you need to work out and eat better. If you are not willing to do that, then I do not want to hear another word about it, as you are only making me miserable in the process. Either shut up about it, or do something to fix it." Maybe what he needs is a kick in the butt so he can snap out of his self pity and actually get a grip. Confidence always comes from inside oneself, and he is ultimately the only person who can make himself feel better about himself. If he choses not to, then that is something HE needs to fix, not you. What's he's currently doing is selfish, he has no right to doubt your affection for him, or if you find him attractive. If he can't trust you when you say you are attracted to him then the relationship suffers from a lack of trust, and without trust there is no relationship.
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