A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a girlfriend and all would be fine, but more and more she keeps hinting to me that she wants me to be a father-like figure. It reached a stage when she gets irritated if I try to be cute with her (e.g. calling her cute names or trying to be silly and playful). She's not confrontational or demanding about that, but I can feel how she grows distant and almost looks down on me for being silly. I do like to be controlling once in a while, especially in bed, and she appreciates that. But I can't figure out how to be more consistent in that and how to hide my "cute/childish/playful" part. I also sense that I have a hard time to stay playful without being childish and I feel like that hinders my relationship with her.Do you folks have any advice or links to some self-help resources how to become more a father-like figure and let go of your "cute/childish" behavior? Is that possible at all? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2012): It sounds to me like your gf thinks that you're immature and doesn't respect you and she wants you to be more serious and responsible (according to her definition) because that's the kind of man she can respect.
but if that's not who you are, then that's not who you are. if it's so important to her to be in a relationship with someone who is not like you, then she shouldn't be dating you.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 February 2012):
 Treat her like she is a child. That ought to do it.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (27 February 2012):
I think your girlfriend should stop trying to change your personality. If she can't love you the way you are then she's not for you, obviously. She wants someone else, and she gets annoyed at you for just being who you are.
If you want to change who you are for her then stop being playful, since that seems to be what she can't stand. Stop having fun. Just be a boring, angry dude. Command her around. Make her do all the household chores and fetch you beer. She ought to just love that. Give her a real taste of what she is asking for.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 February 2012):
 No I have no advice or links on how to totally change who you are or your personality to please a woman who is asking you to be something that is not psychologically sound.
I’m sorry but a partner is just that a PARTNER not a parent. I would love to have a partner who is fun and playful and calls me cute names and loves me
I think perhaps you guys are not a good match personality wise.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (27 February 2012):
 If she wants you to be a father figure then she has some serious psychological issues and need help. You are her romantic partner, not her father and in no way should you ever come close to being a father figure.
I guess some fatherly 'qualities' are nice to have in a man like stregnth, protectiveness, decisiveness etc. But you should never be there to replace her father, you are a lot more than that. You should also represent fun, happiness, sexuality, passion, tenderness...etc. And some of those things should definitely NOT be present in a father figure!
And one other thing - read this sentence back to yourself:
"I can't figure out how to be more consistent in that and how to hide my "cute/childish/playful" part"
You are actually asking us how to hide a part of your personality for the sake of your girlfriend. That is just the biggest no in a relationship, changing yourself for another person.
At the end of the day she should love you just the way you are, and under no circumstances should you ever change your personality for someone with psychological issues.
I think you need a serious chat with your girlfriend as this is not normal and definitely should never consider changing your personality for her. If she doesnt accept you the way you are and love you for it then her love is not true and she is not the sort of person you should consider for a long term relationship.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, MarlonT +, writes (27 February 2012):
A father figure TO your girlfriend?? Does she have daddy issues?? You shouldn't be a father figure TO her but her protector or whatever depending on the extent she wants. I'd understand her wanting to ocasionally see your father side for any future kids you may have but she shouldn't want YOU to be like a DAD to her......... Why would she want to date her substitute dad?!?
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