A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, this is a general type of question about my relationships with my classmates in my grad. program at my university. We ahve to work in groups a lot and I feel like they don't value my opinion. As soon as I start saying something, it seems like one person jumps in and starts talking over me. I am really frustrated by this and it's driving me crazy. We are studying to be teachers and half my group ahsn't done their work or read the chapter while I read it and have notes for it and provided the activity for it. How can I politely but powerfully tell them something? Please help!
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female
reader, Queeny  +, writes (4 June 2008):
 Are these the groups that have been assigned to you buy your lecturer? if not, you could change and move to another group especially where members are putting equal effort in what you discuss and read. when most of the times they have not read as much as you have or if you are academically 'advantaged' than they are, they may not want you to overshadow them.if you can still stay in the group, i suggest that you all select who chairs the discussion. the person who will chair the discussion will have to take into consideration everyones input in the discussion and if there are members who do not contribute he/she should make sure that they contribute. he/she should be able to harmonise everyone in the group. when you select this chairperson, there should be terms in which he/she should refer to e.g. ensure everyone contributes, ensure there is respect in the group, ensure that everyone attends discussion etc.. ones this has been done, you can all suggest what are the penalties if these regulations are breeched e.g. buy drinks for everyone etc.also understand that there are different personalities in a group, there are those who will always want to dominate and those that will always let water pass. you could speak this with your lecturer as i'm sure your campus is willing to support all students. your lecturer will do this in a very subtle way to ensure that all groups are able to run smoothly.you also need to be slightly more assertive and not to get angry when others are trying to overshadow you.. these are just personalities of people. your unique personality is probably why it makes feel that the dominant pple get away with all their opinions even when they are uncalled for.while giving your opinion, provide some evidence on what you have obviously read to base your convincing and critical judgement. also watch out that you do not overshadow some members in the group. i hope i have assisted in a way..
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 June 2008):
 Good question! My guess is that you are from the southern states and you're in a university with a lot of northerners? I could be wrong, just a hunch.
Anyway, watch the most effective communicators dealing with this problem on television. Someone jumps in to add their two cents before the one who has the floor is done with their point. The really effective way to deal with it, from my observation, is to stare at the person who has interrupted you and without pausing, continue what you were saying. Try to develop a deep tone of voice so that you don't seem shrill, as I think many males don't actually listen to the higher pitched voices, no matter how wise or well-prepared the speaker is. I'm not saying that this is right, just my observations on this phenomenon.
If you can stand up while you are talking, I would highly recommend that you do this. Then you can walk around the room, and if you are interrupted, just lay your hand on the shoulder of the guilty party. This is a position of power, actually and should be carefully done, but it has worked very well for me when I had to give a presentation in the past and deal with things like this.
Maybe another thing you could try is to set up some speaking/listening ground rules at the start of your next session together. Do this on your feet, have a prepared plan for what you want to say, and then get the consensus of the group. And you can guide this again by standing behind the current speaker and laying your hand on the offender's shoulder when you want to get control back....
Another resource I'd suggest, if you have time to even add another book to your reading list. Deborah Tannen's "That's Not What I Meant!" deals with many of these issues.
Sometimes it's just a cultural thing. Southerners as a rule tend to give the speaker time to finish their thoughts, wait for a second or two, then start speaking. Northerners tend to show they are listening by stepping on the ends of the speaker's sentences. Neither way is necessarily more correct, but it is a cultural difference...
Good luck and thank you for going into teaching!
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