A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I would really appreciate some advice. I split up with my long term partner a year ago (he left) and although I still love him I started dating another guy, who I do really like but the problem is that he is really really into anal sex and I am not. I have never had anal sex and I realise it is quite popular but I just have no desire for it all. I would try it with a new partner if he liked it and I am not against it in any moral way or anything but it just doesn't appeal to me. However this guy is into it in a big way and seems to prefer it to any other type of sex and would like to have anal sex 3 or 4 times a day. My ex partner and I were quite compatible sexually and neither of us were into anal sex particularly. Am I being prudish or strange? (a lot of people, including friends, have said to me that anal sex is very popular and common). I feel upset because in every other way I feel very compatible with this new guy and he 'ticks' all the other 'boxes' but this is a big issue and it is something that he and his ex fell out over also. Is sexual compatibility as important as all the other stuff or would the relationship eventually fail if we had to compromise too much on a sexual issue within the relationship. He says he will be romantic with me and have romantic sex etc but then he would be suppressing his real desires. Also, sex 3 or 4 times a day (for at least 40 minutes a time) is a lot for me as I have a health issue which makes me fatigued. So far I have not had anal sex with him as am still reluctant and it is not so much the thing itself but his seeming obsession with it etc .. It doesn't help that I still really miss my ex whom I was with for 7 yrs ... If anyone has any suggestions or experience in this sort of problem I would really appreciate the benefit of your wisdom. Thank you for reading this.
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anal sex, his ex, miss my ex, my ex, no desire, split up Reply to this Question
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male
reader, manaja +, writes (2 December 2009):
You say he ticks a lot of boxs for you , how bout him ? The very fact your writing here is because its a major issue for you, has he never hard of compromise ?
Most straight men have tried anal sex with a woman and most straight men prefer vaginal sex, I know , ive tried it and so have loads of my male mates and like them, I prefer vaginal sex.
A guy who prefers anal sex to vaginal sex to me is probably a bisexual man, the feeling of anal sex is totally different than that of vaginal sex, which for me is a lot more pleasurable.
If your uncomfortable trying it , dont bother. ive tried it out of curiosity with a couple of ex girlfriends, ive not even bothered asking my current girlfriend, because to me its no big deal.
Tell him how you feel , if he doesnt like what you have to say , dump him and find a proper man who doesnt want to go "poking you up the bottom "...its a bit latent, closet, gay I think !!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009): Im sorry girl, but you're just not into what he's into. If he was into bondage and you were not, it'd be the same right? You can't change your preferences because one guy you meet likes something you don't. It just doesn't work like that.
However, you never had anal sex, so you could give it a shot and maybe you figure out you enjoy it a lot. That means you did your part of the compromise, and he needs to fulfill his part: start to enjoy vaginal sex more and not put pressure on you to have anal sex.
If you can both meet in the middle and it works out, thats great. But if you don't like anal sex, and he's obsesses about it, it might be best to end the relationship before you become too emotionally attached.
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A
female
reader, pancakes rule  +, writes (1 December 2009):
 It may be popular and common, but loads of people refuse to do so because they don't feel comfortable with it. If you don't want to he should understand.xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009): DON'T DO ANYTHING YOU DON'T WANT TOO!! If this guy would leave or cheat on you simply because, you are uncomfortable with anal sex, then he was never a good or decent guy to begin with. Anal sex is not something to take lightly---to be honest with you, its painful and it can cause cancer. It's not a safe and pleasurble way to have sex. I know alot of people do it, but it's painful and to me sex, lovemaking and etc. is about pleasure for both parties, not just one. Maybe you should reconsider your relationship with this guy. Don't try to prove your love to him by accomadating his sexual wants and whims.
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