A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I am going to hockey game with a male co- worker. He knows that I am married and we are just friends. My husband is really bothered by it because he said that men and women can not be just friends.My husband said that I am going on a date and that this guy just wants to get down my pants.I could really care less if i went or not but feel like i should force my self to get out of the house. I have not been invited to do anything for about 7 years.What do you think? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello everyone, Thank you for your responses. I went to the game last night. There was ten of us.Male and female. I did not know any of them except my co-worker. They were all his grad school friends. we all met for pizza, had a couple of drinks and went to the game. I had a lot of fun. I met a good group of people and one of the ladies invited me to a potluck in march. It was nice to get out.I called my husband a couple times during the game to let him know I was o.k. and then my husband and I went for a drink after wards.It turned out O.K.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (31 January 2009):
 You have not been invited to anything for about 7 years. If that has bothered you and you didn't do anything about it, then it's your own fault. You say you haven't been "invited" out. Who have you expected to be invited out by? It just sounds like the wrong way to solve your problem or at least an odd choice of people to go out with.
If my wife was going to an event with a male co-worker I would expect to be part of the plans. Why not? I wold expect to be a least invited to go along. You see, from your husbands point of view it is like a date. Your husband sees two people who enjoy each others company. One is male and the other female. One has invited the other to an outing. So far, these are all the ingredients of a "date". the only difference is that we expect the two people involved will respect certain boundaries. The other guy has nothing to lose. Your husband does because you his wife. He's also correct, generally speaking, about men and how they think. They don't all act on their thoughts but in my experience, men think sexually quite often.
Most importantly, based on what you've said yourself, you're using another man to satisfy something that is lacking in your personal life. You're using him for company. That is your husbands job. It is not totally your husbands job but it is his job "first". He will never be comfortable with you getting your needs fulfilled by another man. If going out was so important, why have you not gone out with your female friends?
I'm not saying men and women can't be friends but here is a potential threat there and people often fall into the trap of "just friends". It is especially common in the work place.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2009): Not invited to do anything for 7 years? Honey you need to get out! If your husband is such a dud, then it's TIME he makes an effort, and this other guy will hopefully make him WAKE up. Invite him along, but make clear you want a life outside of home too.
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (31 January 2009):
 Go to the game if you feel that the aftershock won't be a big one - your husband is probably jealous and is probably testing his "authority" as a man because he feels put out by this other man. By all means, invite him to the game too, or save yourself a lot of bother and just don't go to the game yourself. Put yourself in his shoes for a second, how would you feel if you knew he was going out with another woman all day to a game or something similar, would you feel slighted by it?We all know men and women can be friends, but whether it should be at the expense of our partners remains your decision.regards xx
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A
male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (31 January 2009):
 Look at it this way. Your husband says i'm going to a ball game with patty, this friend of mine. You don't know this girl. Are you ok with that? If it's you and about 3 or 4 other guys and girls going together, then he probably wont worry much. But one on one is just too iffy. Really, the only time you or your husband should be out one on one with someone of the opposite sex is if they were a relative, a best friend from your childhood, or a business lunch. Or if they are gay. I suggest not to do it. It doesnt seem that important to you and it would hurt and worry your husband more than you know. Also, are you really 100% sure this guy doesnt have a thing for you? Think about it.
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A
male
reader, knight08  +, writes (31 January 2009):
 A woman and a man can be just friends yes sure why not, but not if one or both of them have a thing for each other. So your husband may have a point here. Try to put it the other way round, would it be ok if your husband had been invited by a female co-worker that he might say his just friends with and go out with her? I don’t think it’s a good idea! Yes you should go out of the house you cant stay there all the time, but going out with a male friend that’s a bad idea. Try to find other married woman (if you don’t have) and hangout with them. ;-) Good luck
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