A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 1/2 months. We were getting very serious, but then he started having doubts about our relationship. So we backed it down a notch. Now he is saying he wants a break. I'm 28 and he is 20. I have a child and I'm going through a divorce. He is living at home with his parents and finishing school. His parents are having a really big problem with me because I have a child and they don't believe that he should be tied down like that so early on. He says he loves me and only wants to be with me, but he just can't help but think of how his parents feel. He also says he can't help but think of what would happen if we stayed exclusive with each other. He wants to clear all the what if's before he commits to being with me as boyfriend/girlfriend, or more. Any advice for me or him?
View related questions:
a break, divorce, living at home Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (18 April 2007):
 I agree with rythemandblues. You are at a differant life stage than this young man and it needs to slow down, for everybodies sake.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): Well, you are 8 years older than him and your divorce is not final and already you are getting serious with a new man after only 4 months.
I see a few problems with this whole situation and sympathize with how his parents feel about him getting tied down with you. They want to see him finish school so he can have a career and support himself and eventually marry and have their grandchildren when he is older and mature enough to make that decision.
You on the other hand are a woman of 28 with a child, and you are on the rebound from a failed marriage....I think this is a red flag that you have attached yourself so quickly with a boy of 20 who is really kind of inappropriate for you in that he is a kid living with mommy and daddy and trying to finish his education. He is probably enamoured with you because you are mature and more experienced than he is....but he is telling you that he is concerned about the fact that you two are in different places in life, you are about 8 years ahead of him and come with a kid.
I think this is kind of unfair to him. I think it is unfair to you not to spend some time after your divorce alone without dating so that you can re-discover who you are and become more emotionally and financially self sufficient....having a young child who is going through the divorce with you, it is also very important that you don't expose your child to a new man in your life before the ink drys on the divorce papers....you need to protect him or her from further confusion and hurt and put their need for that above your need to have a new man.
...............................
|
