A
female
age
30-35,
*elples
writes:Last night, my boyfriend and I were talking on the phone. I said hold on, and when I came back, I made my voice deeper to sound like a guy on purpose. We laughed it off, and he said, "Oh yea, like I'll fall for that." I kept going along, "Yes, can't you see with my manly features?" Then he said something about implants related to the joke. I didn't know what to say because I'm actually self-conscious about the size of my chest so I just said, "Maybe you should give me some of yours." He continued to laugh as I laughed lightly. He never use to joke about stuff like that. And I probably wouldn't have minded if I didn't think my breasts were small but I do so I did mind. I don't know how to handle this. It isn't the first time recently that his jokes kind of struck a nerve. What do I do?
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female
reader, mediocreland +, writes (7 October 2009):
Guys are notorious for doing things like that. If you joke with him sarcasticaly like that, he's going to joke right back at you. He probably meant absolutely nothing about the comment, and just wanted something funny to say back at you.
My boyfriend and his friends go back and forth calling eachother nasty names. I was around when he called his friend a medical term that my mother has, and I was really upset about it. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that he didn't even know she had the condition, and that it was just him trying to be funny, and I looked too much into it.
I think you should tell him it bothers you if he jokes about implants more than once. Or stop joking about things that could lead in that direction and see if he brings it up on his own. If not, then it was probably just him trying to be smooth on the comebacks.
A
female
reader, Pinky XxX  +, writes (7 October 2009):
 Talk to him about it, he will understand and if he loves you then he will avoid saying stuff along those lines again. If he does keep saying it then talk again. if this still doesn't work then you need to think about if him insulting you (which it would be by the time talking to him twice) is really what you want and whether or not you should move on and find someone who will listen and care. But it is more than likely it won't come to that, he should listen straight away :)
hope this helps
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A
female
reader, Sammycake +, writes (7 October 2009):
 Well, I think the most obvious answer is the correct one - talk to him about it. If he doesn't know that you're self conscious about the size of your chest, then how will he know not to make jokes about them? You know, your boyfriend probably loves your breasts, no matter how big they are, so be confident!
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A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (7 October 2009):
I would suggest a few thoughts. First, it is likely that he doesn't know you fel insecure about the size of your chest, or if he does, he doesn't understand the depth of that feeling. Knowing that, if you brought up "manly features" in a joking way, he may have interpreted that as a signal from you that such a joke would be ok.
Also, and this has become an issue for my wife and myself from time to time, he may just be trying to be supportive. If you express a desire to change something about yourself, it is quite obvious that you are not happy with that portion of yourself. Be that a body feature, a behavior, an attitude towards something, etc. In expressing displeasure with something about yourself, he may have (as I have from time to time) taken that as an oppertunity to let you know that if you feel a need to explore options for self improvement, he will "follow your lead" so to speak, a way of letting you know he's behind you all the way, and will back your move. This could be his way of letting you know he repsects your individuality, and your need for processing your self actualization at your own pace.
Either way, this could be a positive sign. Just to be sure, I would, if I were in yur shoes, address the question directly with him. Explain to him what you have explained here, and ask for his reaction. If done at a time when you both are in calm, loving moods, and have the time to discuss it, and approached in a respectful, gentle way, it could not only avoid a fight, but be a source of great closeness and sharing.
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