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female
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anonymous
writes: My husband jokingly said, "I love this woman... Jennifer", she is always so satisfied with my work... I totally lost it. I felt it was an insult. And he said, oh no it was just a joke, I was just making a funny joke..Do you think is this really funny? I found it totally not funny, and I am not on a good terms with him anyways because of his chronic impotence! (not due to medical reasons.)What should I think? Why would he say a joke like that if he cares about me? My self worth isn't the greatest due to many downfalls in our life, plus his impotence. What do you think? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009): Hi i can understand you feeling his joke was insensitive as you dont have a sex life with him. That can make you feel very insecure, cant it. I know ive been there! Just explain to him how upsetting you found it when he said he loved another woman, as deep down you feel he cant love you as he doesnt want to fix things and have sex with you....tell him that makes you feel unloved by him and when you hear him say, even in jest that he loves someone else it hurts your feelings.
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female
reader, mediocreland  +, writes (28 November 2009):
It seems like the impotence has made you pretty defensive towards him. Guys are stupid sometimes, and he probably honestly thought he was being funny. I mean, would he really say that to you, his wife, if he wasn't joking? Granted, I wouldn't like to hear that from my boyfriend, but you have to give him the benefit of the doubt on this one.
I think fishdish has it right when he says you should try to be in his shoes and go through the situation again. If you still feel upset, maybe you should let him know how it makes you feel and your insecurities. Highlight on how you took it vs. how he meant it so he doesn't think he's being nagged at. He's probably just unaware that it hit you where you're insecure.
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reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (28 November 2009):
 I think you're not feeling very attractive because of your marital issues and so you're over-reacting, maybe jealous of any positive attention he gives to another female, (even if she's not in the room), because he doesn't give enough to you, which is perfectly understandable. It was an insensitive comment, but when you've stuck by a guy through bad times and they reward you by being an insensitve clown it can make you want to thump them. I wonder how he'd feel if you said you loved some other guy because he's successful, and then said it was just a joke.....
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reader, baddogbj  +, writes (28 November 2009):
 You DO sound quite judgemental. Are you sure THAT is not part of the problem with his impotence.
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reader, fishdish +, writes (28 November 2009):
 I think you're being too hard on him, but I didn't see or hear the way he said it. maybe he said it because he is feeling guilty that you're unsatisfied and just wanted to sort of redeem himself, well there is ONE girl out there that still thinks i'm doing SOMETHING worthwhile out there, i actually am a little desirable still! You sound really resentful about the impotence; isn't viagra for anyone that can afford it and is of age, practically? I don't know how long he's been impotent for but you may have to be less harsh about that, too. Reverse the roles and take a walk in his impotent shoes for a minute.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009): Why are you looking so desperate and insecure? I am sure you can appreciate anyone that treats you well and offers you a compliment on your work.
I don't think what he said was funny as you have taken the quote out without any context to make it sound funny. On the other hand if he did it to provoke you because he knows how insecure you are and he used your over-the-top reaction against you then it was not funny and a bit insulting but he did show that he could get a rise out of you with the push of a button.
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