A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im having problems with my boyfriend that I have been with for 4 years. He has been having a lot of trust issues with me since we live far from each other and we only see each other once a month.Lately, I have been talking with another guy I met at a party a couple of weeks ago, but just as friends of course. My boyfriend is a very jealous type and when I told him about the guy and me talking just as friends he did not approve of it and did not want to me to ever talk to him or hang out with him again. Other than the jealousy issues, hes a very nice guy. Even though he is striving for money right now, he still flies over here once a month to see me for the weekend. I love him very much and he makes me happy, but it seems that hes been finding everything I do being "fishy," ever since I met the other guy. My boyfriend times my dinners and my showers and if I call him back one hour too late or an unusual time, he will get mad and think im doing something else or cheating on him. I dont know what to do...I dont like it at all, I feel like I'm being chained up and I even tried talking to him about how I feel about that and he still continues being this way.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2008): Your bf sounds very much like mine. He would say that he trusts me, but it's other MEN he doesn't trust. I dunno what to make of that, but I can understand why he'd feel insecure. Your bf is probably insecure about the relationship, therefore you'd have to reassure him and give him every reason that you wouldn't cheat on him. And if he still doesn't trust you, make it a clear point that it's important he does or there's no point in the relationship. I'd do the same thing with my bf, but I can't cuz I'd get pissed as well if he was constantly talking to a friend who is a girl. I know I shouldn't be, but I know I will. Therefore, I will have to respect what he likes. Just put yourself in his shoes and if you'd get possessive as well, then maybe don't tell him about your male friends. But if you can tolerate him being close with other girls, then you should have a chat with him. Sometimes what they don't know won't hurt them (as long as you're not hurting them or cheating on them).
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 January 2008):
 Your b/f is insecure about your love and is possessive . It is not easy to break those feelings. You will have to constantly reassure him till he grows out of this feelings.It is a sacrifice on your part if you love him.
You should never mention any man again to him. He thinks all men are either lecherous or trying to sleep with you.
He may want to stop you from calling your friends on the phone or MSM or chat online.It is a kind of mental abuse he is heaping on you. He may not be aware that he is doing that. He thinks it is for your own good from his angle and never give a thought about what you think. He treats you like a little girl and decides everything and what is good for you.It is very suffocating relationship.
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