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He's unmotivated and I have suddenly stopped feeling for him. Help me understand all this!

Tagged as: Dating, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 January 2008) 2 Answers - (Newest, 16 January 2008)
A female United States age 41-50, *shejm6 writes:

I've been dating this guy for a couple of months now and I like him a lot although I can't understand why I have suddenly stopped feeling for him. I have recently started working out again and we had been talking about getting in shape and eating healthier, but so far I'm the only one doing anything and he just keeps saying he is having a hard time getting motivated. I am trying to make a life change and I want someone who is going to be my partner not my downfall or temptation to quit. I have mentioned to him that I do want someone who is going to have a similar lifestyle and all that did was make him question my feelings for him. I know he is a little insecure because he is not tall, but I am still attracted to him although he is not my ideal type. For example last night he came over and ate some cookies late at night and I told him not to, of course he did anyway and I honestly felt disgusted by him. I don't know what to make of how I'm feeling. I like him but I'm not sure what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (16 January 2008):

rcn agony auntOf course you feel this way. If cookies looked good to you, you'd be compromizing your getting into shape. What you're doing wrong is too much expectation. It's OK for him to not jump on the bandwagon with you and get right into working out. People take part at their own pace. You're expecting him to keep up at yours and change with you, instead of looking at him as an individual and that he may not be as get started about working out and getting into shape, it's OK, because he has the right to decide what's best for him.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008):

If you don't feel for him then you don't feel for him. There is nothing really to understand. We usually KNOW when there is something there. Liking someone, even a lot, and 'feeling for them' are not always the same thing. You said you have only been dating a couple months and you already don't feel for him???? He's unmotivated, not supportive, and insecure. Not very good qualities......

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