A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy through my friend who had been dating him for over a year. She’s a maneater, plays a role and then is onto the next best thing. As a couple, they were practically married, basically living together and showering together just about every morning. She began liking someone else and ended things. After she dumped him he came to me for advice, with time we became close friends, talking every day. After he went through the “how do I win her back” phase he would tease me about sleeping with him and I never thought anything of it until one day the person I had been seeing , who took my virginity, broke my heart. This guy was there for me and helped me through it. One night he came over and we both started drinking, he called it forget about our ex’s night and we ended up sleeping together. Right before we did it I remember him pausing and saying “promise this wont ruin our friendship”. The next day I cried, it was the first time I ever slept with anyone else and someone I didnt have feelings for. A month or so later he and I were still close friends and we slept together again, I gradually began to develop feelings for him. We both confessed to liking eachother but he claimed he wasnt ready for a relationship which I thought was silly since we already were practically acting like a couple. I respected it and gave him time but things went downhill when he had to have surgery for his shoulder. He became bitter, taking his anger out on me and we started fighting a lot. He needs another surgery for his chest now as it hurts him to take a deep breath and he can no longer play soccer, which was his life. As soon as I tried to just be a friend, seeing as he’s not himself, he’d get upset and flip out on me. I asked him why he was getting so mad at me and he said “Because I know what I should do but I cant right now” referring to dating me. Afterward he constantly got close and would pull away again. We’ve tried to be “just friends” but it never sticks because we always end up flirting and sleeping together. This has caused some major fights and distance now between us because im frustrated he wont just date me, I figure if this keeps happening, it means something. He has become closer to my brother now and talks to him everyday and not me. The other day he told my brother his ex, who’s no longer my close friend, consequently, approached him on campus and was talking to him. He bugged out and said he needed time to “cool off”, that it been so long since they spoke. She’s still seeing the guy she left him for. I used to ask him if he’d go back to her, in the beginning he’d say I don’t know but the last time I had asked which was months ago, he said no, never...so I never thought much of it. My brother told me he’s not over her. He came over the other night and I asked him if he was over her, he didnt want to answer the question and then he said I think you know the answer. I flipped out, began crying and told him to stay away from me and to never touch me again. He insisted he always told me he wasnt over her yet and stormed out, slamming my door. He texted my brother saying he just wanted to wait until he was happy again and over things and that I don’t respect that. I don’t know what to do anymore, it’s hard enough to get him to not be as miserable since he can no longer play soccer and needs another surgery which he’s scared about...but he’s still not over her too. In the back of my mind I always knew that was the main reason why he couldn’t be with me yet I just don’t understand how he’s still hung up on it when it was a year ago and he’s had me ever since. I feel not good enough and meaningless. I love him and don’t want anyone else. What’s left for me to do though. I feel as though my hands are tied.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question:-( easier said than done...but thank you, you're right
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010): 18-21? You are too young for all this drama. I would understand if you were in your 50s and dealing with a man who had been married to his ex wife for 30 years but my god! this is some young man who was with a girl for almost a year!
Walk away.
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